Freedom

I was going through some pictures on our computer today and ran across some shots of my graduation party last year. These pictures made me stop and think...

...more like stop and STARE!!! Oh, Lord - how far you have brought me! I cannot tell you the mix of emotions that wash over me when I look at pictures like that. I'm so excited to see my progress, and so disgusted at not just how I looked - but how I remember feeling. I was in bondage. I was in chains of my own making with no thought that life would be any other way. But, praise the Lord! He's released my shackles and has set me free.

I was thinking today about the whole concept of freedom. There seems, to me, to be different kinds of freedom. For example, the Lord set me free from my bondage to food when I cried out to Him and asked His forgiveness for abusing food and making it an idol in my life. That was my initial "jail break" you might say! But now, He's taking me on a path to freedom of a different kind. Because He didn't just set me free, and now food is no longer an issue for me. I'm free in Christ, but He's teaching me how to walk in His freedom. I need training! I'd blown it for the past 18 years. (Can you imagine being a prisioner for 18 years, and then all of a sudden you're free to go? Go where? And do what?) I had no clue what to do! And it could have been so easy to walk right back into my "prison cell" were it not for His grace. So, He didn't just free me and leave me to figure out how to stay in a state of freedom. That initial act of freedom began a new chapter in my life. A chapter that is all about mind-transformation! I'm learning how to keep Jesus and food in their proper place in my life. I'm beginning to understand His purpose for my life and how He wants me to live it - and that includes how He designed my "temple of the Holy Spirit" to operate and function for His glory. He's helping me to move my house from the sand to the rocks, one foundation stone at a time.

I am free, and I'm being freed day by day. How great is our God! ~Bekah

Friday.....you know the drill!

I'm sitting here at our book sale. It closes in an hour, and there has been somewhat of a lull in activity. Finally a few minutes to spend updating you all!

I got up this morning at 5:00am as we had to leave for the sale at 6:30am, which is practically the middle of the night! :-) I had some crazy thoughts as I was laying in bed last night (once I finally made it there - around 11:30pm) and hoping that the scale would be my friend this morning.
"Will weighing in about 3 hours earlier than usual reflect on the scale? Maybe my food from dinner won't have completely digested yet. Oh, no! That could throw the scale off. And, I've been a little stressed with all the work to get done this weekend. I've heard that stress can keep you from losing weight. Ugh! Okay, stop worrying. You did your best this week, Bekah!......... Or, did you? Couldn't you have pushed yourself harder in your workouts? Did you really need every single calorie you ate?...... Good grief! Just leave it in God's hand and get some sleep. Yes, getting enough sleep is important to weight loss. Sleep.......sleep......sleep........Why did I drink so much water today? I'll probably have at least a pound of water weight when I step on the scale tomorrow! I need one of those scales that measures actual weight, not water weight. Then I could tell if I've gained muscle, too. Hey! What if I gained some muscle weight this week. That's a really good thing, but it might mean that I didn't lose weight this week. And, that would be so disappointing! UGH!!! GO TO SLEEP!!!

Much to my delight, I was able to lose yet another pound this week. I'm at 173lbs now. YES!!! Getting closer to that goal. I'm eargerly anticipating my trip to CO this coming week, and I've made Stephanie promise to let me exercise every day. She's one active girl, so I'm probably going to have a hard time keeping up with her! (Oh, and my mom told me last night that you weigh less in higher altitudes. Sweet! Why don't I move to CO?)

Things are picking up again here, so I've gotta run. Chasing Freedom ~ Bekah

Kindred Spirits, Struggles, and Perspective...

Yesterday, my mom received a daily devotional in our inbox. It was the testimony of a lady who had lost 100 pounds in 10 months. Wow! I really enjoyed reading through her story. You can read it at : http://www.karenehman.com/ . It's always encouraging to hear from those who have gone through the same struggles. Being able to find someone who knows exactly what you're going through (and is walking in victory) is so uplifting!

Recently, I've been thinking about the fact that I'm not going to reach my "ideal, healthy weight" and magically stop all my struggles with food. I'll never be able to make it to a point where I can just "freeze" and my body will stay the same weight. It ain't gonna happen! The weight I am working off can be put back on so easily. This is going to be a life-long fight for freedom. I have genetics and my stinking flesh working against me. I have a busy life and schedule (which will only get more crazy when in the future God chooses to enter marriage and a family into the picture) and it's hard trying to make time to exercise. And I happen to love chocolate and carbs! What's a girl to do???

This can be a rather depressing thought. :-) But instead of spending my time playing the "blame game" or making up excuses, I'm choosing to focus on God's purpose for my life. His purpose is for me to bring Him honor and glory through my life. That's my purpose! And in order to do that, He is constantly molding and shaping me into the image of Christ - and that includes setting me free from any sin that separates me from Him. (Yes, even the sin of gluttony!) So in reality, this weight loss journey is one way He is cleansing me so that I can serve Him more and fulfill His purpose for my life. And I get the added bonus of feeling and looking better, too! What a deal!

But, sometimes it isn't all that fun. And sometimes it's painful. Sometimes it means giving up something I'm craving. Sometimes it means watching others enjoy a treat and not getting to share it. Sometimes it means getting up early to get all sweaty and tired. But all the time, it's worth it. I'm seeing Him work in my life in amazing ways, as this is not just a physical journey. I'd even say it's more of a spiritual one! Unless I deal with my root sin, I'll never be free.

I had yet another wonderful opportunity to practice dying to my flesh again last night. My mom made some fresh rhubarb cake and my sister made brownies. Nope, not in my calorie budget right now. :-) Is it hard to resist the temptation to sneak a bite or two? Yes. Absolutely. Some times more than others. Last week, as I wrote, I really struggled. I never gave in, but I felt like the whole week was one intense battle after another. This week has been better. Though the cake and brownies sound good, I know I can't indulge, and I've made a habit of not indulging. (Even when my taste buds are throwing an ever-loving fit.) I flee the temptation! I get out of the kitchen. I focus on something else. I quote my victory verses! Here's my new favorite victory verse : John 3:30. "He must increase, and I must decrease." Literally! *smiles*

This Friday is our big booksale of the year. (My family owns a homeschool curriculum store http://www.thecurriculumcoop.com/ .) We have a crazy schedule for the next few days! And I'm leaving on Monday for the beautiful state of CO to visit my adopted younger sister, Stephanie. All this to say, my blog may be dormant for a little bit. I'll post as often as I can. Thanks for all of your prayers!

Praises be to Him ~ Bekah

Part 5

I'm going to attempt to bring you all up to date in this post. Well, I'll at least hit the highlights!

I left off when I began to seriously work and chart my weight loss in Oct. 2007. I remember feeling excited and I was highly motivated that very first week! According to my journal, I exercised 5 days that week, and I dramatically cut down my portion sizes. I can clearly remember that! I tried to eat slowly (so my food would last longer) and I ate as healthy as I knew how - tons of fruits and veggies. I also remember having very sore muscles, probably because I was using muscles that hadn't moved in awhile. Oh, it was painful! You know, the kind of muscle pain where you have to suck in your breath and grit your teeth just to make it up or down a flight of stairs! It was a difficult week. I thought I was doing all the right things, but I really had no clue. I lost 2 pounds that first week, and I was disappointed. I thought I should have been able to lose more! In my journal, I wrote, "My conclusion for not losing more (weight) is that I need to exercise more and harder. I don't know how I could eat less or a smaller amount. It'd be just like fasting!...I know the weight isn't going to just fall off of me, because I didn't get this way overnight. But I think the reality that this is going to be a long process is sinking in a little more."

The 2nd week, I fought disappointment and discouragement, because I thought that I had done so well the 1st week, and it had resulted in only 2 pounds lost. I really struggled with feeling like a failure and I had to fight the lie that this was too hard and overwhelming. I lost a pound that week, but I was praying through my disappointment and asked the Lord for grace to just keep going.

The 3rd week was a great week. (According to my journal entry!) I wrote that I was "trying to come up with more healthy concoctions" and I "still haven't eaten any chips or candy". I was thrilled beyond words when I stepped on the scale and found that I'd lost 4 pounds that week. That was a huge and unexpected blessing! An emotional high, for sure.

I won't bore you with a week-to-week account from the past 32 weeks. :-) I wish I could say every week was like week 3, but that's not true. It was tough! I felt like a sponge as I grabbed for every book or article on weight loss I could find, and I asked the Lord for wisdom to discern what I was reading. I didn't want to follow blindly after the whims and ideas of man. I wanted to know God's thoughts on weight loss, and what He wanted me to do/eat.

In November, a turning point came for me, specifically in regard to exercising. One Tuesday night, my mom turned on the TV as she was folding laundry, and there was a show on that caught her attention. On the show, there was a group of people taking turns stepping onto a scale and to see how much weight they had lost the previous week. I was also in the living room, and we both sat there intrigued and trying to figure out what was going on. We came to find out the show was called The Biggest Loser, and we had caught the last few minutes of that week's episode. We decided it looked very interesting, and we planned to watch it again the next week. Little did we know this would start a new Tuesday night tradition for the May family!

For those of you not familiar with The Biggest Loser, I'll explain the basics. Overweight contestants are chosen from all around the country and brought to "The Ranch" (an exercise campus in CA) to work with personal trainers and compete as teams (and then as individuals) to see who can lose the most weight. How do they lose the weight? Intense exercising and eating healthy. My kind of show!!! I could totally relate to what the contestants were going through, and I learned SO much from watching them. I soaked up the tips and advice from the personal trainers, especially about exercising. This was the "old-fashioned" way of losing weight that I was looking for! No surgery, pills, or crash diets. They focus on healthy nutrition and exercising. Plain and simple! Their approach is balanced, even though the whole point of the show is to see who can lose the most weight. (They don't starve the contestants and work them like pack-mules. :-)) The trainers are EXCELLENT, and they deal with emotional hurts along with re-training the physical. Anyway, I was hooked, and so was my family. :-) This became a highlight of my week; an emotionally uplifting time as I was motivated to keep pushing onward. The circuit training I do right now is from The Biggest Loser Fitness Program book, and I love it! *However, I must add that this is not a Christian show, and I do not agree with everything said or done there. A lot of drama is added to make it more "entertaining" to the public, and it's not always uplifting. This is where discernment came into play again.* Overall, it's a great show for those of us "flying solo"!

The next few months, I kept pressing toward my goal of weighing 200lbs by January 1st. I fought through times of sickness and "that time of the month". :-) I survived Thanksgiving and Christmas baking. I'm proud to be able and look back and say that I never once gained any weight during that time. Even over Christmas! (The week of Christmas, I didn't lose any weight - but I didn't gain, either!)

I'd love to say that I met my goal, but I didn't. As I've said before, it was certainly an ambitious one. :-) I weighed in at 208lbs on January 1st. Still a huge accomplishment for me! I lost 21 pounds in 11 weeks. Something I'd never dreamed possible! I looked different, I felt different, and I was motivated to keep going. I set a new goal for January through March of this year. I wanted to weigh 185 pounds by the end of March. By God's grace, I was able to meet that goal - even surpass it by a pound! I weighed in at 184lbs at the end of March. Hurray!

And now, I working toward my 3rd weight loss goal. I want to weigh 170 pounds by the end of June. Only 4 more pounds to go, which seems like nothing, but it is getting harder and harder to lose it! You'd think that exercising for an hour every day and eating 1,200 calories would cause the weight to drop off, but it's putting up a fight. I thought this goal might have been too easy, but now I'm glad I didn't set it for more. Especially seeing I'm going to be away from home 2 weeks out of June. (Remember, change is AWFUL for me!)

I'm continuing to learn and grow, and I'm enjoying the journey. (I wasn't last week, but I am this week!) I'm peacefully resting in the knowledge that my weight does not determine my worth or value to the Lord. His love for me will not change! My desire is simply to please Him and bring Him glory in every area of my life. Weight included.

Gratefully His ~ Bekah

All Those Juicy Details...

This past week was good. Hard, but good. My family did an excellent job as "food cops", and by God's grace I was able to stick to my goals for eating. I had about 1,200 calories every day, and I didn't eat a morsel after dinner! I was sorely tempted a lot this week, not necessarily to do anything drastic, (like eating a whole chocolate cake) but to compromise in little things. Like snacking on a few pretzels or raisins while feeding them to my younger sisters, or eating more than I needed to simply because I had a little room left in my "calorie budget". I know that little wrong choices to indulge add up to big consequences, so I once again had to keep focusing on my goals and choosing to rely on the strength the Lord freely provides. And to be honest, sometimes it really stinks! My flesh is great at throwing tantrums... :-) I've often felt like I'm literally in a tug-o-war all day between what my flash wants and what my spirit wants. Romans 6-8 have taken on a whole new meaning for me.

And my flesh is really crafty, too. It's easy to recognize fleshly thoughts - they are always selfish, lazy, focused on present pleasures, etc. It's just hard to say "no" and get rid of them. I've had some ridiculous thoughts lately, and I can laugh at them now. They seemed so legitimate at the time, however. Thoughts like:
"Good grief! A bird eats more than I do right now. I don't know how it's humanly possible to gain weight on the calorie plan I'm following. I don't understand why the weight isn't falling off of me!...........You know, I'm practically a martyr. *sniff* My life motto right now is: "NO!!!". (That is so depressing.) And it's always going to be that way. I might as well get used to it. This is going to be a life-long struggle. *sigh*..... *bigger sigh*.......So, hey! Why fight it? Why put yourself through this? Do you want to be deprived your entire life? That doesn't sound like fun. You can stop right now - you look great! Just get comfy right here. It'll be easy...............Whoa! Check out the banana bread! I NEED that!!!

You get the idea. :-) I was talking with my parents this morning and trying to decide when I should plan on my "cheat item" for this week, and Mom noticed me getting a little emotional. (You know how rare that is...Ha!) It was about time for a good cry! This week was a struggle, and through a few tears I explained that I was having a hard time. I was consistent in my exercising, but lacking my usual energy, which made for long, hard, unenjoyable workouts. Oh, I hated it! And I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I've really enjoyed exercising recently, so why the change this week? Though I was able to have a great week with eating, the temptations were still there and strong.

So, I was explaining this to my parents, and my Mom said, "Well, you know that the closer you get to your goals the harder it will get. ". Yes, I know that. It only gets harder to lose weight, not easier. That explains how I could work so hard this week and only lose a pound. (Losing a pound is a victory, and I'm celebrating that! But at the same time, I was sure that I should have been able to lose 2 pounds this week, so it was bitter-sweet this morning. Weight just doesn't come off fast enough, you know?)

I agree with my Mom. The closer to the goal, the harder the struggle. And I'm feeling it! It's like climbing a mountain. The closer to the top, the steeper the climb. And the easier it is to slip. I can't do it on my own! I feel like David in the Psalms where he wrote, "I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." (Psalm 27:13) But that's the beauty of it. His strength is made perfect in my weakness. My job is to believe and obey. He's the One who gives me the strength to refuse temptation and to skip a perfect afternoon for a nap to exercise. He's the One who empowers me to flee from what would cause me to sin and to cling to His promises. And He's the One who makes it all worth it.

Psalms 27:14 - "Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart; wait, I say, on the LORD."


Holding on ~Bekah

Weigh-in Day ... again!

I will write a longer post tonight, but I knew you all were eagerly waiting for me to post this morning...Right? :-)

So as not to keep you in suspense, I lost a pound this week. *Doing a happy dance!* That brings me down to 174lbs, and my total weight loss to 68lbs. (I'm excited about getting so close to 70 pounds lost! That's an inconceivable amount to me.)

I'll post all the juicy details of my week later tonight. Love, Bekah

Part 4

*I left off at the beginning of my trip to Singapore in September of 2007. I had lost 12 pounds before leaving!*
So, I left for Singapore for 3 weeks. I was really curious to see if I felt any different having lost weight. I did notice that some of my clothes seemed to feel a little bigger. I'm not sure I ever remember that happening before! As I expected, we did a lot more walking than I usually do at home, (everything is in walking distance there; nothing is here!) and I was able to keep up better than the year before. (I was still quite pathetic, but it was better.) And though I struggled with jetlag the first few days and our schedule often did not allow for much sleep, I remember feeling like I had more energy. I was excited, because I could see how I felt so much better and only after losing 12 pounds. What would I feel like after losing even more?

While we were in Singapore, I did not worry about what I ate, like I had at home, but I did try and stop when I felt satisfied. (Didn't always work, but I tried.) They have wonderful, fresh fruit over there - many kinds that we can't get here, so I enjoyed tasting all the new kinds of fruit. I fell in love with fresh pineapple! Chrissy and I were trying to figure out how to smuggle some home in our suitcases. :-)

At that time, I was just beginning to "re-train" my taste buds. (It was a big deal for me to be able to eat fresh veggies -like carrots and celery- without some kind of dip or dressing!) I remember having a conversation in our room one day, and I was remarking how I was in the mood for something sweet - preferably something with chocolate. (I am chocolate's biggest fan!) We didn't really have anything sweet up in our room, but Elyssa replied that she thought they might have some nuts downstairs in the kitchen, and I just looked at her as if to say, "Yeah, so what?". She went on to say, "Nuts are naturally sweet, you know. Especially almonds. And they're much better for you!" . I loudly and emphatically protested that nuts are NOT sweet - chocolate is sweet - and I didn't really care about what was healthier at that time. But, I went down to the kitchen to see what I could find.
I've totally changed my opinion on the matter of nuts since then. I love them! Raw almonds happen to be my favorite. (And, I've apologized to Elyssa for giving her such a hard time. She was right!)


So while I didn't see any huge changes in my physical appearance, those 12 pounds did make a difference. When I got home, I was really tired, and the following 2 or 3 weeks was spent re-adjusting to our time zone and my family's schedule. I didn't do a lot of exercising during that time, maybe once or twice a week and nothing too difficult. My eating habits had gone back to normal, too. I had missed my American food so much! :-)


I hadn't forgotten about losing weight, though. I was just so exhausted! About 3 weeks after I got back, the Lord kept bringing that back to the forefront of my thoughts, and I knew I needed to get on track again. The more I began to pray about it, the more I began to see that the Lord had been preparing me, opening my eyes and giving me a glimpse of what it would be like to walk in victory. It was time. Time to lose not just 20 or 30 pounds. Time to lose whatever amount to be at a healthy weight level. (I say "whatever amount" because at the time I honestly didn't know what a healthy weight was for my height and build. )


I knew the challenge would be tough. Hard. Seemingly unbearable at times. I didn't begin my journey thinking this was going to be a cake-walk. And I didn't think it would only take me a few months to accompish my goal. My expectations were realistic. I was well aware that this was going to be the hardest thing I had ever done before.

This was not just about losing weight. It wasn't simply about me wanting to improve my appearance. It wasn't even totally about wanting to improve my health. Those goals are good, but I knew they couldn't be my #1 goal, because those things are fleeting. They won't last! Focusing on those goals wouldn't give me the strength to resist the temptations that I knew would come my way. I had to have a bigger goal; a goal that was worthy of totally changing my lifestyle and one that would have lasting, enduring rewards.

In a nutshell, my goal is to glorify God in and through my body and to live in victory over my flesh, especially in the area of food. I want to "beat my body into submission", and be ready and prepared for whatever He calls me to do without having to wonder if I'm physically able. I want to eat healthy food, realizing that it is fuel for my body and I will perform the tasks God gives me much more effectively when I eat the foods He created my body to need, not those my flesh wants.


After I established what my goals would be, I began to seriously pray and seek the Lord for wisdom. I talked with my mom, and we came up with some specific goals for eating and exercising. They were:
-to exercise for at least 30 minutes 5 days a week
-drink lots of water, at least 8 cups a day
-incorperate more fruits and vegetables into my diet while cutting out sweets and fats
-stay accountable with weekly weigh-ins

I typed up a sheet that listed my goals at the top and had lines to record my weight each week. I'm currently working on my 3rd sheet. For each sheet, I've also made a weight goal. My very first (recorded) weight goal began on October 25th- 2007, and it was my goal to weigh 200lbs by January 1st. After coming back from Singapore and having a few weeks of adujusting to life again, I weighed in at 229lbs. That meant, my goal was to lose 29lbs in 11 weeks. That's a lot! It seemed reasonable to me at the time, and I wanted to make a goal that I didn't really think I could accomplish so that I would be more motivated to push onward and trust Jesus to give me His strength, but about week 7 I was beginning to see that I was a little too ambitious. :-) (I now understand and set more reasonable, yet still challenging goals. My current goal is to weigh 170lbs by the end of June, so I'm right on schedule.)

This has certainly been an exciting journey, and the Lord has taught me so much. I hope to share some snippets from my journal early on and bring you all totally up to date in the next post.

Before I finish, I have to write about how the Lord encouraged me today. I was home alone with Bethany (my 2 year old soon-to-be-adopted sister) and I was cleaning up the kitchen while she was at the table coloring a great masterpiece. As I was organizing things in our bread box, I happened upon the yummy banana bread Rachel had taken out of the freezer yesterday, and it sounded really good. But, I had eaten lunch only an hour previously, and I wasn't hungry - but it still sounded good! I rather emphatically slammed the lid shut, and told myself I wasn't going to eat any. I decided to focus on the Lord, and I glanced around the kitchen at those lovely Scriptures I had put up on the cupboards and began quoting them outloud. Bethany looked at me kind of funny, and said, (as she only can say it) "Whachu talkin 'bout?". I smiled and said I was reading my verses, and kept going until I had quoted them all. As I finished, I looked over at Bethany to make sure her hands weren't getting too busy, and she smiled at me and loudly proclaimed, "AMEN!". :-) And you know what? I still haven't touched that bread...

Be of good cheer! ~Bekah

Dissastisfied and Expecting...

First off, here are some lovely pictures of me exercising in our basement. I had Hannah come down and snap some shots on day this week, because it's too hard to explain what the crazy contraptions look like! They work different muscle groups, so I enjoyed using them both this winter as I couldn't go outside. As the weather has been getting warmer, I've been spending more time walking, but I continue to keep using both the Norditrak and the Gazelle. It keeps my body from falling into an exercise routine and then not being challenged as much. Exercise should never become comfortable and easy. A huge key to weight loss is to keep your body guessing. (And to occasionally take it by surprise!) I'm such a trickster! :-)

Today as I was taking my walk, I was thinking over the past week. I had some good days, and a few tough ones. I always like to take the time to evaluate how I did in my eating and exercise, and then make small goals to acheive in the next week. My eating goal for this week is to eliminate night snacking and impulse snacking entirely. One of the most common eating guidelines for weight loss is to stop snacking 2 to 3 hours before bed. There are several reasons for that "rule". The body needs time to digest as much food from the day as possible, and eating late at night means the food is going to be sitting in your stomach all night. Not a good thing. It can also throw off your eating schedule, because you either feel starving in the morning (and are tempted to eat more than necessary) or you don't feel hungry so you skip breakfast (another bad thing!). This past week, I didn't do a very good job of eating dinner and nothing else till breakfast. And I don't ever remember feeling hungry when I snacked; it was just impulse snacking. So, my goal is to follow the 2 to 3 hour rule and abstain from impulse snacking. (To my family members, please feel free to play "silent cop" and smack my hand if you find me heading toward the snacks after dinner. Thanks! :-) )
My exercise goal for the week is to continue doing 3 sets during my circuit training (I cycle through the set of exercises 3 times for each muscle group -upper, core, and lower). I just started doing it last week, and it's tough - but really good! I'm also trying to move more quickly from exercise to exercise. A burning sensation is actually a wonderful thing for my muscles - it sends the message that my body needs to produce more muscle tissue. And that equals muscle growth! (It just happens to burn...) *smile*

I was also thinking (wondering as I was wandering, you know!) about how to maintain a healthy dissatisfaction with my body in it's current state. I'm not to compare myself with others, or become obsessed with my weight or clothes size, but in order to continue moving forward I need to be dissatisfied with where I'm at right now. If I become comfortable and unfocused, I'll get nowhere. I have to be disciplined - increasingly disciplined as time goes on. I have to have a vision for what God wants me to become; the way He designed my body to be - weight and all. Dissatisfaction is a powerful thing, because it can either push us to strive for greater heights or it can cause us to lose heart, fail, and become bitter. So, then I was thinking about what I need to go along with my healthy dose of dissatisfaction. What will compliment it? What will be the positive charge to balance the negative one? I spent awhile trying to answer that very question. After pondering several different things, I felt like the Lord gave me the answer. Expectation. Expectation is the positive charge! I can be dissatified now, because I'm expecting the Lord to continue working in my life. I'm expecting to continue being molded and shaped into His image. I'm expecting to have ups and down, but I'm expecting the Lord to be faithful as He always has been. I'm expecting His Word to accomplish His purpose in my life as I walk in obedience to His commands. And I'm expecting to someday reach a place of victory in the area of my weight. Not perfection, but victory. With expectation, I'm constantly looking ahead and staying focused on the goal knowing that God has great things ahead for me. I can be dissastified with myself now realizing that I will only ever be truly satisfied in Jesus. That's the balance!

Desiring Him ~ Bekah

Psalm 5:3 - "In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation."

Psalm 39:7 - "And now, Lord, what do I wait for an expect? My hope and expectation are in You."

Psalm 62:5 - "My soul, wait only upon God and silently submit to Him; for my hope and expectation are from Him."

Philippains 1:20 - "I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death."

Yes, it's Friday again...

...and we all know what that means! Weigh in day. I didn't get home until 11:15 last night, but I was wide awake at 6:30am this morning. I laid in bed awhile, knowing we have another long day today, but by 7:30 my stomach was giving me fits, so I rolled out of bed and headed downstairs to meet my doom. Okay, okay...it's not that bad! We all know that I have this "love-hate" relationship with our scale. I'm always hoping for a loss, but I know that it's possible to lose inches over the course of a week and not actual weight. It's also common to gain muscle (which is my goal!) during the week which sometimes affects what the scale reads. I'd rather trade weight for muscle any day!

But, this week I did lose another pound. Woohoo! Down to 175lbs. I love the fact that the weather is finally nice enough for me to go on long walks and enjoy being outside in the fresh air. Yesterday and today we have been planting our gardens. A different kind of exercise!

And, today is Avalon's 4th birthday! She's getting so big, and her language and social skills are improving every day. We're going to Chuck-E-Cheese this afternoon to celebrate with our grandparents. Every week, I give myself a "cheat item", so I planned on eating a piece of pizza this evening for my "cheat item" of the week. It gives me a surge of calories that keeps my body from falling into a "starvation" mode, which causes it to reserve and store as many calories as possible. When the body feels like it's not getting enough calories, it slows down your metabolism, which causes you to burn calories a lot slower. Thus making it harder to lose weight! So, I eat one item at one meal every week that I've been craving. It's good for me mentally - I don't feel like I'm being deprived - and physically to keep my body in the position to keep losing weight consistently. In the past, I've given myself a full-blown cheat meal, where I can eat whatever I want until I'm satisfied. Bad idea! (For me, at least.) After too many awful meal experiences, I've limited myself to one item. I've found it extremely hard to stop eating when I'm satisfied at a cheat meal, because my flesh gets all excited, my taste buds are engaged...and it goes downhill from there. Once I start giving into my flesh - it's game over. I've left the table uncomfortably stuffed too many times! So, I've found that I have to limit myself to one item. I get to eat a treat, and it's something I can look forward to all week. Kind of like my own little reward for eating well and exercising!

I'm out to plant some more peas. I can't wait until we get fresh produce this summer! ~Bekah

What in the world am I doing anyway?

"So, how are you losing the weight? Are you following a diet or a program? What kind of exercising are you doing?".

I've been asked those questions countless times over the past few months. And, I just have to smile. I'd be happy to share my super weight loss "secret"! And I won't charge you anything. :-) My usual response is to simply say, "I'm eating healthy and exercising regularly, and it seems to be working!".

But, some people like more details. So, what does a typical day look like for me? Glad you asked.

Right now, I eat between 1,100-1,200 calories a day. And yes, I do count and record my calories. This is the recommended amount of calories that I need to eat for my body weight as I'm continuing to lose weight. I keep a notebook on top of our refrigerator and when I eat, I write it down. I record the time of day I ate, what I ate, how much (portion size), what category it falls into (grains, fruit, protein, veggies, etc.) and how many calories. It takes me 2 minutes at the most, and I find it very helpful! I'm able to look back and make sure my diet is balanced, and I know I'm getting my body's calorie needs without going over. Calories add up quickly in certain foods, and keeping a record has been a huge part of my success the past 3 months. I say the past 3 months, because I didn't record my meals before then. I wish I would have! This is such a learning process...

Today, I began my morning with a bowl of Quaker Oats Weight Control Maple and Brown Sugar Instant Oatmeal with 1/4 cup of frozen blueberries on top. I also had an orange. This specific oatmeal contains 7 grams of fiber and 6 grams of protein to get my metabolism going in the morning.

I eat about every 3 hours - 3 meals a day with 2 snacks in between. Eating every 3 hours keeps my metabolism up, and I'm not ever starving before the next meal, which helps me not to overeat. Today I didn't eat breakfast until 8:30am, and I needed to eat lunch before we left home at 11:45am. Not a problem! I just didn't need a morning snack today. For lunch, I had a turkey sandwich. I used one slice of Ezekiel 4:9 bread and 3 slices of turkey breast, and topped it with spinach, cucumber, onion, green pepper and a little bit of dijonnaise. I also had some cauliflower and carrots with a light ranch dressing, and half a banana. That was at 11:30am.

We were in town all day, and I didn't actually eat a snack this afternoon, but we had supper earlier than usual at 5:30pm. I had a salad - lettuce, spinach, carrots, celery, cucumber, onion, and red pepper with Balsamic Vinaigrette dressing. I also had an apple and 1/4 cup of pecans.

When I got home and counted up my calories, I realized that I was only around 900, and I was a little bit hungry still. I also noticed that I my carbohydrate intake was lower than normal. (Carbs are our bodies favorite and preferred source of energy. They're not evil! Eaten correctly, they actually aid in weight loss!) So, at 7:00pm, I had an orange (simple carb) and a piece of Ezekiel bread (complex carb) drizzled in honey. That put me right at my daily goal - about 1,100 calories. I could look back and make sure that I ate an appropriate amount of each food category, which I did. A good day!

For exercise, I have a schedule and combine both circuit training and cardio. On M-W-F, I do circuit training and light cardio. T-Th-S are strictly cardio. Sunday is my day of rest! For my circuit training, I follow the fitness program of The Biggest Loser. (It's a TV show, and I'll explain how I found out about it later!)

Circuit training is a fancy term but it basically means that you work through a series of exercises that are aimed at toning and strengthening all of the different muscles in your body. I use dumbbells (8 lbs.) and work my upper body, then I move right on to my core exercises which work my abdomen, and then I finish up with the lower body. I do exercises like biceps curls, push ups, crunches, leg lunges, to name a few. The goal is to move from one exercise to the next with no breaks. This increases strength and maximizes the amount of calories you burn. As I've grown stronger, I've increased the weight of the dumbbells, and the number of repetitions I do for each exercise, which makes my workout time increase.

Cardio exercise includes anything that gets your heart rate up and keeps it there for an extended period of time. (At least 10 minutes.) This is the fastest way to burn calories, so combining circuit training and cardio exercise really stimulates weight loss. On the days when I do cardio, I either go walking, use our Norditrak Ski Machine downstairs, or use the Gazelle Glider I got from Stuff Etc. (another God story!) Right now, I exercise at least an hour every day. I got up a little earlier this morning so that I'd be able to fit it in before we left for town. I prefer exercising in the morning, so I try to make it work whenever possible!

That's a brief overview. Our computers are in high demand tonight, so my time is up. :-) Rejoicing in Him ~ Bekah

Thank you!

Just wanted to post a quick, "Thank you!" for all of the encouraging comments and emails you have written. The Lord has blessed me with such an awesome group of friends! I truly appreciate your kind words, and I want you to know that I love you all so much. You keep me motivated and uplifted! Thank you, thank you!

I've had a few people ask if they can share my blog with others, and the answer is, "Yes!". If you know someone who would enjoy reading this, then feel free to pass it on. I gave up my pride in regard to talking about my weight about 7 months ago....... :-) We all struggle with something; my problem just happened to be a little more visible than others. But, I'm loving the fact that I'm a walking example of the faithfulness and power of God! He can and does transform lives for His glory. Hallelujah!

Thanking Him for you ~ Bekah

P.S. Oh, and Chrissy. If God does lead me to write a book, I'll let you have the first signed copy, okay? Hee!

Part 3

*We pick up right after I began exercising and eating healthy back in June of 2007 to reach my goal of losing 10 pounds by September, when I left for Singapore.*

For the next few months, I did my best to exercise at least 4 or 5 days a week and to eat more healthy. I told my family about my goal, and they were all very supportive! I even coaxed my sisters into exercising with me. We'd go on walks down our lonely, country road and have a nice time together. And they kept quiet about the UFO's I would prepare and eat. (UFO = unidentified food objects) I attribute a HUGE part of my success so far to my awesome family! They have been cheering for me from day one, and I'm sure they are sick of Subway and hope it goes out of business tomorrow! :-)

My biggest regret from those months (mid June - early September) is the fact that I didn't journal. Oh, how could I not have taken the time to write?!? I can remember the highlights, but not the little details, which really pains me. But, such is the case and I can't change it.

So, I did my best to stick to my plan. My first choice for exercising was walking, as I knew we'd be doing a lot of that in Singapore! And the weeks quickly flew by until it was the night before we left. I was really, really nervous to step on the scale. I remember that I would weigh myself every so often over those few months, just to see how I was doing, and I knew that I was close to my goal. But, I didn't want to fail! I was scared that somehow I hadn't done enough, and it took a few seconds for me to get up the courage to step on. I closed my eyes (see, I've been doing it since day one!) and took a deep breath, then I looked down. And I was...................crushed. The scale said I weighed 233 pounds, which meant I had lost nine pounds. AAAAAHHHHH! I couldn't believe it - I didn't want to believe it. I was so close!!!

I stood there, trying to give myself a pep-talk. I was a winner - I'd lost weight! I had accomplished something I'd never been able to before. But, I hadn't met my goal. I was disappointed, and I clearly remember stepping on the scale at least five more times to make sure there wasn't a mistake! But every time, the same number appeared. Nine pounds...only one away. I wasn't going to cry........I wasn't going to cry.......

I put on my pijamas and went into the living to talk with my parents that night. We talked about the upcoming trip and Mom gave me a rundown to make sure I'd remembered to pack everything. Then we prayed for God's blessing over our time in Singapore. And then, after praying, Mom asked me if I'd weighed myself yet. *Open the floodgates! Unbreach the dam! Bring on the kleenex!* Through my tears, I told them of my weight loss and how close I'd gotten to my goal. They were both VERY proud of me, and my Mom said something that gave me a little bit of hope. She told me that most people weigh the most at nighttime, as a lot of food is still left in your stomach, so she told me to weigh myself in the morning and then see how I did. Okay, it was worth a try. I went to bed that night hoping that somehow, some way, I'd lose at least pound while sleeping!

I woke up the next morning and prepared to leave for the airport, but stepping on that dreadful scale was in the forefront of my thoughts. So, I mustered up the courage and got on once more. And when I looked down, I almost screamed. The bright read numbers on the scale read 230 pounds. No way! 230? How in the world do you lose 3 pounds while sleeping??? (This blonde was totally baffled!) But hey, forget trying to figure out how it happened. I did it! I lost not just 10 pounds, but 12 pounds! Yippee! I excitedly ran out of the bathroom and told any family member that was in earshot of my discovery. My emotions were the exact opposite of what they were the previous evening. I was pumped - ready to take on the world! My family and I had a short time of rejoicing before I jumped into the car and headed off to the airport. I was still in shock, wondering how I did it, and praising the Lord for His hand in the entire process. What a crazy way to begin a missions trip, huh?

The once repentant and now totally obsessed scribe ~ Bekah

Daily Dying...

Happy Mother's Day! (To all the mothers who read this blog... :-) Ha!)

We decided to celebrate by bringing some KFC home for lunch. I wasn't really involved with picking out what to eat for lunch, (No one wanted Subway. Can you believe that???) but I had pretty much resigned myself to that fact that I probably wouldn't be able to eat it. So, we brought home the fried chicken, mashed potatoes, coleslaw, biscuits and honey, baked beans, etc. and I threw together a quick salad. Please don't misunderstand me - I'm not against eating these things! They're perfectly fine, in moderation. I just know that for me to stay on track with my weight loss goals I'm going to have to totally abstain from foods like those for awhile. I wasn't sitting there feeling like a superior person because I was eating more healthy. I was thinking, "Bekah, you've blown it in the past. But, you're changing! And someday you will be able to occasionally eat those foods again, but not right now. Enjoy the journey. Every time you say "no" to the flesh you're saying "yes" to the Spirit!".

So I was thinking (again!) as I was munching on my salad, how I'm trading the pleasure of eating those foods right now for a healthier body. Because to be honest, it smelled and looked really yummy! And if I wanted to, I could have come up with some kind of excuse to chow down today. But I have to focus on the future; the consequences of my actions. I've lived a life of indulgence, and it doesn't satisfy. Oh, it tastes good for a few minutes. But no matter how much you eat - your flesh craves more.

This is something I've been learning for the past 7 months. I can't tell you how many times I've passed up french fries, cookies, ice cream, chocolate, etc. It's not fun! (Especially when I'm sitting there feeding it to my younger sisters.) But, I've never once looked back at those moments and wished I would have given in to the temptation. Because I have given in at times, and it's not worth it.

Dying to the flesh is a hard, daily struggle. I'm learning and growing, but I still fall short. There is no magic prayer you can pray or certain verses you can memorize that will keep you from following your flesh. It takes a conscience, willful choice to walk in the Spirit and to cooperate with the Lord! And, sometimes it means giving up what seems so desirable. For me, it's food. For others, it may be choosing to praise instead of criticize, to show love instead of becoming annoyed and irritated, to serve instead of waiting for someone else to do it, to spend time with the Lord instead of filling the time with reading other books or doing other tasks that seem so important. (And I struggle with all of those things, too! It's not like food is my one and only struggle right now, though it's certainly in the forefront.)

Last week, I decided to type up and print off about 10 verses that I've been meditating on in regard to self control, and I backed the Scriptures with colorful cardstock and stuck them up all over our kitchen cabinets, our refrigerator, and the door to our pantry. It looks lovely! :-) But I wanted to have to look those Scriptures "in the eye" whenever I went to get food. That way I'd have to stand there and make sure I was walking in the Spirit, and I wasn't just feeding my appetite. And, I've caught myself already! But more than just warning signs, they're also encouraging to read as I seek to keep my focus on Jesus and my eyes on the goal. (And they really do have a nice rainbow effect on the kitchen!)

Fighting the good fight, Bekah

Weigh In Day - Part 2

Have I mentioned how much I dread Friday mornings??? :-) Being away from home for 3 days was tough, so I had no clue what to expect. I really struggled with exericise this week, too. It seemed 10 times harder than normal! In fact, I came home and exercised on Wednesday night and I was so exhasted I almost quit about halfway through. I stopped for a minute and had a nice talk with Jesus and kept going. Progress requires work! It's not going to happen while I'm sitting around. I did too much of that for years...

But, this morning the scale showed a 1 pound weight loss. Hurray! Down to 176lbs, which makes my total weightloss so far 66lbs. Thank you, Jesus!

*in a radio announcer voice*..."And now. The moment you've all been waiting for!".



Okay, maybe not. But it's time I continued my story. When we left off, I was shocked and disgusted as I saw my weight was 242lbs. (Boy, things can't get much better than that! I don't know about you, but I can't wait to see how this ends! )


I walked out of the bathroom that day knowing something had to change. I couldn't keep living like that. I had to lose weight, plain and simple. Or, so I thought. The truth is, I had no clue! I knew only basic and rudimentary facts about nutrition, and exercise was not even a word in my vocabulary. That left me with a few hurdles to jump over before I could even think about losing weight.


I knew a few things from the start. I didn't want to diet, in the sense that I would follow someone else's meal plans and such. I wanted to understand nutrition for myself and simply eat healthy. I don't find "dieting" to be practical at all, and I knew it wasn't right for me. So from June through September, I did my best to add lots more fruits and veggies into my diet and stay away from the "really bad foods" such as desserts/chips/fried anything,etc. However, my idea of eating more healthy then was only having 2 pieces of pizza instead of 3 (or more!) or eating only 1 cookie instead of 2. I can look back now and see that I began really small, just baby steps. I didn't change into a "health nut" overnight, and it's taken me several months to acquire my limited (but growing) knowledge of nutrition and exercise. But, God used those baby steps. It was a start! At least I was off and running (okay, more like crawling...).


Speaking of exercise, that was where I really had no clue what to do. I mean, I knew the basics like walking, running, jumping jacks, stretching, and the like. But, do you have to do them in a particular order? How many or how long? Do you just make a schedule and stick to it for the rest of your life? When do you increase how many repetitions or how long you exercise? Do you need lots of equipment or can I get along just fine with me and my tennis shoes? What do you do when your muscles get sore? How do I know if I've pulled something? IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE TO LOSE WEIGHT WITHOUT A TREADMILL???


I had lots of questions. :-) But not a lot of answers. So, what do you do at a time like this? Not sure. But I'll tell you what I did. I made it up. I figured, who needs exercise videos and expensive equipment? That's for people who REALLY need help or are too stupid to figure it out themselves! I can figure this out. I mean, seriously - what can be so hard about exercising!?!


I remember the first day I decided to exercise. I went out to the only place on our property that has an ample amount of pavement. I set down my water bottle and clock (I stole the clock from the bathroom. Every good exercizer times themselves, right?) I was all prepared for my 30 minutes of exercise. And then I had this profound moment of "Uh............now what?". I realized one thing in that moment. This is why people buy exercise videos!!! But, seeing as I had none on hand, I decided to start with a little stretching. After stretching, some jumping jacks. Then I walked for a few minutes. I kept glancing at the clock thinking I must be almost done. Nope! A whole 10 minutes had gone by. This was going to be a long workout...

I finished and went up to the house. I was tired and felt like a fish out of water when it came to exercise. I didn't know if I'd done enough or if what I did would even make a difference. But slowly, over these past few months, I've been able to gain more knowledge about how to exercise from my parents, friends, books, the internet, magazines, etc. I knew the information was out there - I just had to find it!

The end of Part 2. More later! Much love, Bekah

Back home again...

The past 3 days have gone really well for me. I'm happy that I can actually sit down after a "vacation" and say that I stuck to my plans! I don't know that I've been able to say that before now.

On Monday, we drove 6 hours to my grandparents house in Everly, IA. A quaint little town! We stayed with them the past few days, and it was nice to see them again. I was armed with all my fruits and veggies Monday night as I wasn't sure what we we're having for dinner. I'd also given myself a cushion, so I could eat more calories than I usually do at meals. My grandpa decided to make hamburgers on the grill, and my grandma made a lovely salad to go with it. (I love you, Grandma Jan!) Honestly, I haven't had a hamburger in months. But I knew that I could eat half a patty with 1/4 of a bun and be just fine. Prior planning is SO important!

We had to leave at noon on Tuesday for the sale in Sioux City, which is about 1 1/2 hours away from Everly. I decided that I'd go for a long walk for my exercise that morning. I woke up to thunder and realized my plans might have to change. I didn't really know what I was going to do, though. My grandparents live in a cute, yet quite small house, so I couldn't really find any place to exercise in private. I resigned myself to the fact that I might have to swallow my pride and exercise in their living room, but that was after fervent prayer that the rain would stop! God was gracious and by the time I was ready to head out, the sun was shining. I walked for about 40 minutes, and I think I walked every street in Everly twice! I had to laugh, because it was the day for garbage pick up, so I kept passing the guys collecting the trash. I must have either waved or said "Good morning." to them 5 times! They probably thought I was a NUT!

So, my morning walk gave my lower body exercise, and unloading all of our buckets gave my upper body exercise. We didn't have room for a cart or dolly in our vehicle, so it was up to me and my biceps to get those things inside. It only took me about 35 minutes to get everything unloaded for our 2 hour sale. And then, I got to carry them back out 2 hours later! I couldn't have asked for a better day of exercising. :-) Climbing into the suburban that night, I was hot and tired, and I'd gotten 2 brand new blisters. But sitting down had never felt so good before!

We left this morning at 9:30 for home. Our plans changed a little, and I ended up driving the suburban all the way home. My Mom drove my grandpa's truck which was full of old furniture from my great-grandparents for us to have. So, instead of having 6 hours to read and talk, I spent them behind the wheel keeping a close eye on the back of the truck. Everything seemed secure, but we were a little nervous about the contraption my grandpa made to hold everything together!

We ate an early lunch at Subway (I cannot say enough wonderful things about that place!), and my designated snack time was at 3:00pm. I was doing fine until around 1:00pm when I started getting a little sleepy. My first thought was, "What can I munch on to keep me awake?". Then I remembered that snack time wasn't for 2 more hours. I really wasn't hungry (though my flesh would have loved to snack on something!), but I needed something to keep me awake. Bethany had been running a fever the past 2 days and had finally fallen asleep in the back seat with Leah, so carrying on a conversation with Leah wasn't an option. Hmm...this was a problem.

What to do, what to do? I decided to pray and ask the Lord for an idea. A few minutes later, I remembered that I had packed some index cards in my bag with special "Victory Verses" I had been memorzing. I asked Leah to dig them out of my bag for me, and then I set them on my lap and started to review and meditate on them. Two awesome things happened! 1. I had a sweet time of fellowship with the Lord as I meditated on His Word. I wished I had a Strong's Concordance handy as there were words that I wanted to look up! Even though I'd read those verses many times before, the Lord showed me new things that I could apply to my life. It wasn't boring at all, and I didn't struggle with being tired after that. And 2. - I didn't have a single thought about food for an hour. (A rare thing. My flesh usually puts up such a fight - especially when traveling.) But I was feasting on the Word, and it satisfies more than physical food ever could!

I love how God answers even the littlest prayers. He made the rain stop so I could exercise and He reminded me to feast on the Bread of Life and drink the Living (energy!) Water. Whatever our need, He's already provided for it. Praising Him ~ Bekah

Change, change...Go Away!

I only have a few minutes to write this, as I'm leaving for a book sale in Sioux City today. Leaving the "safety" of home is always a challenge for me. I'm not in control of everything anymore! Who knows what food options I'll have or when it will work to exercise? I got up early this morning so I could exercise before we left. And even though I would have loved to sleep longer, I'm so glad I got my tail out of bed! I felt totally refreshed and ready to start the day. (I think my family secretly loves it when I exercise...I'm such a happy person afterward. :-) )

I've learned that trips require lots of prior planning. Especially food planning. I bascially figure out how long I'm going to be gone and how many snacks that adds up to be. Then I "assign" myself which snacks I'll eat and at what time. That way I don't have too many snacks and am tempted to eat the extras! When traveling, I try very hard to bring fruits and veggies as snacks, and not so much the nuts/pretzels/crackers stuff which don't really fill you up. I try to cut down on calories in the snack department so I have a little more leeway when it comes to meals.

Change in schedule is one the worst fears of people trying to lose weight. So many unknowns! This gives me GREAT practice in relying on God's strength and cooperating with the Holy Spirit in order to say "No!".

We might actually leave early, so I've got to run. Thanks for your prayers! Love, Bekah

Weigh in Day ~ Part One

Friday mornings are something I look forward to and dread all at the same time. They are the mornings I step on the scale and weigh in to see how I did the previous week.

Ever since starting my weight loss journey last June, I've made small goals along the way to keep me motivated and on track. I've learned that it's normal to lose 1 or 2 pounds a week when you consistently eat right and exercise, something that I do to the best of my ability. I schedule time 6 days a week to exercise for an hour, and I can't tell you how good it feels! (Not necessarily when I doing it, but I always feel wonderful afterward. )

So, today I stepped on the scale and squeezed my eyes shut. I always hate looking down! But, I was happy. I lost a pound this week! And I'm right on schedule. To be honest, it's rather mind-boggling to think back and realize how far I've come. Oh, but wait! I have yet to post the beginning of my story. This will have to be "Part One", as I don't have time to type it all today. Now, where do I begin???

Let me take you back to June of 2007. I had just graduated from highschool a month earlier, and that was a very exciting time in my life! I was full of hope and anticipation about the future and all that God had in store for me. But little did I know all that God had planned... :-)

I've always struggled with my weight, at least for as long as I can remember. But I never felt rejected because of it. I have a loving family and a wonderful group of encouraging and awesome friends! However, I knew I was overweight, even obese. I didn't like that, but I didn't really think I could change. I figured that I just inherited the "chunky genes" or something. :-)

I didn't want to admit that my problem was actually sin, because that's not a comfortable thought! And I'd pretty much decided that the verses on self-control or dying to my flesh didn't apply to this area of my life. But, I wasn't happy with my physical self. And, God used several different things to get my attention.

The first was during the Bright Lights trip to Singapore. We went on a rainforest hike, which I knew would be tiring, but I wasn't prepared for this! I was absolutely exhausted when we finally made it back to the beginning. And we'd only walked about 3 miles! I was embarrassed and totally humiliated. At 17 years old I could barely walk 3 miles. During that trip, I also suffered from sore legs and feet as we went walking a lot more than I ever used to do. And, I started thinking...

The next was a 2 minute clip I saw of an Oprah show. No kidding! I was rewinding a video tape for the younger girls and I pushed "stop" on the VCR, at which time the TV automatically showed channel 9. Oprah's show was on, and she had a doctor with her. He was showing her what 5 pounds of fat looked like, and girls, it totally grossed me out! Disgusting...which made me keep thinking...

After that, it seemed like I just happened to keep coming across articules or hearing people talking about weight loss. And, I kept reading verses in Scripture about self control and fighting against my flesh. So, I kept thinking and thinking...

...that it was time for action. This was ridiculous! God was showing me that it was time to move from the - "I don't care about my weight. It's inner beauty that counts." - camp into the - "My body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. Being overweight and giving in to my fleshly desires is a sin!" -camp.

I was planning to go back to Singapore again, so it was the perfect timing for me to begin. I decided to start small, and I set a goal to lose 10 pounds before leaving for Singapore in September. That gave me roughly 3 months to lose 10 pounds, which sounded reasonable to me. However, I knew next to nothing about weight loss, eating healthy, exercise, etc. It was me and Jesus from day one, and I think we've made a pretty good team. :-)

The first thing I needed to do was figure out how much I weighed. Only one problem. I didn't want to know! I hadn't stepped on a scale in months. I mean, how accurate can those things really be, right? (Or that's what I'd tell myself.) But it was time for me to "face the music". How much did I weigh? That morning in June when I stepped on the scale, I had a ballpark guess that I weighed around 220lbs. But what I saw totally shocked and horrified me. At 18 years old, 5'7", I weighed in at 242lbs. Yes, that's right. TWO HUNDRED and FORTY TWO POUNDS. I can't even begin to put into words how I felt at that moment. I was sad, disgusted, and totally overwhelmed, wondering how I'd gotten to that point. I walked out of our bathroom knowing that something had to change. Right now!

And, that will have to be the end of "Part One". I'll post again ASAP. Blogging takes longer than I thought ~Bekah

Where's your cart headed?

Yesterday, I was the chauffer for my sisters as they had several different activities in town. Mom also had a list of places she needed me to go. One of those places was Walmart, so I ran in quickly and grabbed a cart. This was going to be a quick trip!

I had parked nearest to the grocery side of the store, so as I walked in the door my eyes immediately focused in on the fresh fruits and vegetables and I walked straight over to them. It was like I was in a trance - I couldn't help it! As I was standing there, taking in the wonderful sight of fresh foods I checked the grocery list from Mom and realized that we didn't actually need any produce. I disappointedly pushed the cart down the aisle and then suddenly remembered that I did need something - a red bell pepper! I grabbed one and put it in the cart. My craving for fresh food was satisfied! (You may not understand this, but it's the most awesome craving!)

I quickly glanced back around the produce section to make sure I hadn't missed anything else, and then I noticed something that made me smile. As I had walked into the store, the only thing that I had seen was the fruits and veggies. That's all I wanted! I had (unknowingly) walked past rows and rows of bakery cookies, cakes, pies, etc. to get to what really made my mouth water.

I smiled, because just 6 months ago I would have stopped to look at all the bakery goods and I would have stood there wishing for just one cookie. I would have then pulled myself away from the sweets and begrudginly walked over to the produce to start shopping.
But, not this time! I hadn't even noticed the"junk food". I didn't want it. It didn't even appeal to me.

As I continued shopping, I was thinking about the incredible transformation my body has gone through these past few months. If you would have told me I would start having HUGE cravings for fruits and veggies, I would have laughed out loud! "Me? Crave fresh produce? No way!". I've gone through a whole "re-training" of my body, especially my taste buds. It's taken time to adjust, but the results are worth it!

I was also thinking about the spiritual parallels in regard to healthy food and junk food. In my spiritual walk, it's my desire that I push past all the "junk food" to reach the best that the Lord has for me. In my daily walk with the Lord, I want to navigate my cart to His Word and spending time in prayer. I want to push past my selfish feelings and choose to serve my family instead. To offer an encouraging word instead of criticizm; a hug instead of a frown. It's my desire to have intense cravings for the Lord!

I'm enjoying the journey. It's not been easy at all, and I don't know that it ever will be. But, I'm thankful that His mercies are new every morning and that He provides strength to make it through every day.

So, my question for today is : "Where's your cart headed?". Love, Bekah