All Those Juicy Details...

This past week was good. Hard, but good. My family did an excellent job as "food cops", and by God's grace I was able to stick to my goals for eating. I had about 1,200 calories every day, and I didn't eat a morsel after dinner! I was sorely tempted a lot this week, not necessarily to do anything drastic, (like eating a whole chocolate cake) but to compromise in little things. Like snacking on a few pretzels or raisins while feeding them to my younger sisters, or eating more than I needed to simply because I had a little room left in my "calorie budget". I know that little wrong choices to indulge add up to big consequences, so I once again had to keep focusing on my goals and choosing to rely on the strength the Lord freely provides. And to be honest, sometimes it really stinks! My flesh is great at throwing tantrums... :-) I've often felt like I'm literally in a tug-o-war all day between what my flash wants and what my spirit wants. Romans 6-8 have taken on a whole new meaning for me.

And my flesh is really crafty, too. It's easy to recognize fleshly thoughts - they are always selfish, lazy, focused on present pleasures, etc. It's just hard to say "no" and get rid of them. I've had some ridiculous thoughts lately, and I can laugh at them now. They seemed so legitimate at the time, however. Thoughts like:
"Good grief! A bird eats more than I do right now. I don't know how it's humanly possible to gain weight on the calorie plan I'm following. I don't understand why the weight isn't falling off of me!...........You know, I'm practically a martyr. *sniff* My life motto right now is: "NO!!!". (That is so depressing.) And it's always going to be that way. I might as well get used to it. This is going to be a life-long struggle. *sigh*..... *bigger sigh*.......So, hey! Why fight it? Why put yourself through this? Do you want to be deprived your entire life? That doesn't sound like fun. You can stop right now - you look great! Just get comfy right here. It'll be easy...............Whoa! Check out the banana bread! I NEED that!!!

You get the idea. :-) I was talking with my parents this morning and trying to decide when I should plan on my "cheat item" for this week, and Mom noticed me getting a little emotional. (You know how rare that is...Ha!) It was about time for a good cry! This week was a struggle, and through a few tears I explained that I was having a hard time. I was consistent in my exercising, but lacking my usual energy, which made for long, hard, unenjoyable workouts. Oh, I hated it! And I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I've really enjoyed exercising recently, so why the change this week? Though I was able to have a great week with eating, the temptations were still there and strong.

So, I was explaining this to my parents, and my Mom said, "Well, you know that the closer you get to your goals the harder it will get. ". Yes, I know that. It only gets harder to lose weight, not easier. That explains how I could work so hard this week and only lose a pound. (Losing a pound is a victory, and I'm celebrating that! But at the same time, I was sure that I should have been able to lose 2 pounds this week, so it was bitter-sweet this morning. Weight just doesn't come off fast enough, you know?)

I agree with my Mom. The closer to the goal, the harder the struggle. And I'm feeling it! It's like climbing a mountain. The closer to the top, the steeper the climb. And the easier it is to slip. I can't do it on my own! I feel like David in the Psalms where he wrote, "I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." (Psalm 27:13) But that's the beauty of it. His strength is made perfect in my weakness. My job is to believe and obey. He's the One who gives me the strength to refuse temptation and to skip a perfect afternoon for a nap to exercise. He's the One who empowers me to flee from what would cause me to sin and to cling to His promises. And He's the One who makes it all worth it.

Psalms 27:14 - "Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart; wait, I say, on the LORD."


Holding on ~Bekah