Something different!

Hurray! Hurrah! The scale showed a different number today. I am no longer stuck at 168! After staying the same for weeks on end and wondering if I would ever weigh anything but 168 pounds, I now weigh.........drumroll please............


One pound more. Yep - 169. Can you believe it? What is this body of mine up to? I don't know. But, I've chosen to look on the bright side - now I'll be happy to be back to 168! =)


I really have no regrets from this week. Nothing that I can look back at and say, "I wish I hadn't eaten that" or "I should have pushed myself harder". I got even more creative in my workouts this week. I was trying to think of different ways to do cardio, and one thing that I thought of was rather fun to do. I took about 12 pieces of wood (my family has a whole house woodburner, so we have an abundance of wood in our basement) and I made a "ladder" on the floor. Then I ran the length of the ladder, jumping up and popping my feet in and out of between the pieces of wood, being careful not to touch the wood. I'm sure you've seen people do this. It was great - my heart rate started to soar as I kept going and going, back and forth up and down the ladder. Give it a try! You can use any number of things to make a "ladder". Be creative!

I'm not really discouraged by the scale this week. The Lord is teaching me how to trust in Him alone, not the number that pops up on the scale. Because if I find my happiness and motivation in how much I weigh, I'll never be happy! I'll always be working and straining, pushing myself to meet an unrealistic goal. As long as I keep my focus on doing exactly what the Lord wants me to do, I'm content. The Lord is not trying to frustrate me! I've been growing so much through this period of "stuckness". I'm learning how to keep perservering when I don't see results. I'm learning how to trust the Lord to satisfy my desires. I'm learning to keep my focus on getting fit and healthy and not getting frustrated by the certain parts of my anatomy that don't seem to be dropping their fat deposits! =) So while I wish I could find the key to keep losing weight, I'm taking advantage all the lessons God is teaching me right now. The molding process isn't always easy and fun, but it's so worth it in the end!

Blessings ~ Bekah



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The buddy system...

I wish I were small. No, I'm not talking about my weight right now - though that's true, too. =) I wish I were a teeny, tiny being that could go inside my body for a peek at what's really going on. Instead of making guesses simply by observing the outside, I wish I could zoom inside and float on a cell through my bloodstream. I want to see what my muscles look like, especially when I'm exercising them. I want to have the opportunity to go watch my fat cells to figure out what exactly I need to do to make them give up their precious storage of......well, fat. =) I want to see how many calories I'm really burning each day and how many I'm taking in. I want the scoop!


Yes, you probably guessed it. Same old, same old number on the scale again. (How many weeks has this been?) I began recording my calories again on Monday, which was helpful. After tracking myself for a few days, I felt pretty confident that I had been doing a good job of sticking to that same calorie range even when I wasn't recording my meals. I felt like I was eating the same amount of food as before, but now I'm doing my best to eat a more balanced meal. Getting my carbs, protein, and fat in the correct amounts. It's a bit of a struggle, because as I've said before - protein is not my favorite thing to eat. I'd much rather spend the calories on carbs! But I know that eating enough protein is a huge part of weight loss. I don't want my body to have a lack of it and resort to burning lean muscle tissue instead! That wouldn't be good. So, I eat my protein. Beans, legumes, nuts, turkey breast (preferably the real thing, not lunch meat), chicken, tuna, eggs, milk, cheese, yogurt, kefir, etc. I try to mix it up to keep from getting bored with my choices. Does anybody have a tasty way you eat your protein? Recipes or suggestions?

I've had several people either come and talk to me or email me recently about reading this blog. Thanks to those of you who've encouraged and prayed for me! And for those of you who have shared your own weight struggles with me, I'm praying for you, too. If there is anything I've learned from keeping this blog it's this: I'm not the only one struggling. I can't even count how many people I've talked to about healthy living/weight loss because of what I've written here. And we need to be doing that! We need to be talking and encouraging one another. We need to be lifting each other up in prayer. We need to be sharing our struggles and needs with those who can keep us accountable! But because of our pride, we all too often keep quiet. That's what I did for years. And look where it got me - obese and extremely unhappy with myself. Don't be foolish like me!

If you are struggling with a specific sin (weight loss or not!) find someone to keep you accountable and cover you in prayer. Preferably someone "older and wiser" in the faith who can give you advice and counsel and who isn't afraid to tell you the truth. In love, of course. =) I'm not saying that you'll never conquer sin if you don't tell someone, but there is something powerful about confessing your sins to each other for the purpose that you can overcome that sin. (Proverbs 28:13, Acts 19:18, Mark 1:5) Confessing to others breaks the secrecy and the feeling that "I'm okay because no one else knows that I struggle with this. I have to make a good impression on everyone else." But would you rather live in secret chains or break free openly? Would you rather live in the fear that someone might find out who you "really are" or live in the freedom that comes when you can put down the mask and serve the Lord knowing that you have no reputation to worry about representing but the Lord's? Then plug your ears when pride is screaming at you, find someone to cover you in prayer and accountability, and by God's grace - break free!

A freed captive ~ Bekah

A Mid-Week Post!

This post is for those of you who keep giving me grief about only posting once a week. LOL!

The pity party is over, y'all! And I haven't even weighed in yet. =) I just had to spend a little bit of extra time this past week in prayer and the living and active Word to get a spiritual, emotional and physical boost from the Lord. I also have changed a few things after praying and reading through a weight loss book that I recently got. It is designed and written specifically for people trying to lose the last 15-20 pounds ( that's me!). So I grabbed it and started slowly reading through it again. Right after I bought it, I kind of skimmed it and looked at the interesting stuff. But now is no time for skimming! I need some answers.

I took a long quiz and found out that my metabolic type is a "balanced oxidizer", which in layman's terms means that my body needs an equal amount of carbohydrates, protein, and fat at each meal and that I have the capacity to do well on the widest variety of foods. Just as I suspected. My sister Rachel and I were having a discussion about this a few weeks ago. She is most definitely a "fast oxidizer" which means she needs more fats and proteins than carbs with each meal. She described herself by saying, "I HAVE to eat some kind of protein with each meal. You can do just fine with a salad, slice of bread, and a piece of fruit. But I need some kind of meat to keep me going." And it's true - we're all different. I needed to figure out exactly how to fuel my body properly, because I think I've gotten a little off track of what my body really needs.

I also calculated my BMR again, (basal metabolic rate - the number of calories my body needs in order to function at it's most basic levels) just to be sure. At the Mercy Fitness Center their test put me at 1,600 calories. And what do you know? It was the same when I re-crunched the numbers. What this means is that my calorie allowance for each day is 1,600. If I eat that amount, it's enough to keep my body going strong and the extra calories I burn through exercising will cause weight loss. That's actually more than I think I've been eating. I began recording my meals again on Monday and keeping the calories balanced at every meal - 40% carbs, 30% protein, and 30% fat. I quickly realized that I was under-eating in the carb and protein department. In some respects, eating more calorie-dense foods goes against what my brain is telling me. You'd think that eating less food would be better. But it's not! It's never right to deprive your body of the fuel it needs, whether my brain thinks so or not. The approach of eating less might be okay, if I wasn't exercising 6 hours a week. But I think I've been lax on giving myself the proper mixture of fuel, and that is going to change.

So, with these little changes we'll see what the scale says this week. I'm not expecting a miracle after only a few days of change, but I'm curious to see what the next month turns out like. I contacted a local fitness center in Monticello to see if they offer any classes. I don't have time to be driving to a gym every day, but I thought it might be fun to take a kick-boxing class or something. Something different to get some different muscles moving! On Tuesday, I was on the treadmill for an hour and it felt good. I did interval training and went almost 5 miles, which was pretty good for me! Today I did Levels 2 and 3 on my workout DVD back to back. That was tough. My body did not want to cooperate as I got closer to the end! I really had to focus (especially on my breathing - it's amazing how much breathing properly during exercising helps!) and I pushed myself hard. I made it through with only a few 5 second breaks, and now I just have to wean myself away from those. Progress comes when you push!

Holding onto Jesus ~Bekah

Some pictures...

Getting ready to exercise this morning. I made Hannah take a few shots of me.

Yes, this is the proof. I actually did a push-up!!!

The pig tails were fun. I wanted to get pumped about exercising, and having goofy hair was a simple way to relax, smile, and get movin'!

Heart ramblings...

Consistency. A good quality, right? We think highly of people who are consistent in life; they're dependable and disciplined. You can count on them to do what they say, because they've proven themselves in the past by their consistency. Yes, consistency is a good thing except...

...when it comes to the scale. Yep, you guessed it. Another week stuck at 168lbs. There seems to be an invisible brick wall in front of me, forcing my body to stay...consistent. And it seems that no matter what I do I can't break through this wall. It's confusing and frustrating, to say the least. When you're trying to lose weight, there's nothing more disheartening than stepping on the scale and seeing the same number as the previous week. It's like I worked a whole week for nothing! It stinks, because I'm doing the work and putting in the time and something isn't working. I'm doing something wrong; I just don't know what. Losing weight shouldn't be this hard. I shouldn't be stuck at the same weight since last July, give or take a pound. I must be doing something counter-productive.

It just doesn't add up. I've physically grown a lot stronger since last summer. I'm doing things now that were way beyond my level back then. I've pushed myself in so many areas and have changed a lot of things for the better since then. But the scale isn't showing that. And the hypothesis that "I must be gaining muscle" is growing quite flimsy now. I'm not gaining that much muscle, people! =) And muscle gained means more calories burned which means more weight loss. So that's where the theory falls apart.

I wish weight loss was a simple math formula. You know? "A" plus "B" will equal "C" every time. No guessing about it. If I (A) exercise and (B) eat healthy I will always get (C) weight loss. But, that's not how it works.

I'm running out of ideas. I thought that maybe if I dramatically cut my carb intake this past week that it might jolt me to hop back on track. I had carbs for breakfast only, which left me eating lots of salad and fruit throughout the rest of the day. Yes, even more than usual! Nice thought, but cutting the carbs didn't work. And I can't live like that anyway, so I'm secretly kind of glad. lol

My mom and I had a talk about this last night. We're stumped. (This is where a personal trainer would come in handy!) Mom's only thought was that I must be exercising too hard. (Sound familiar?) But I don't see how that could possibly be. Maybe I need to switch things up even more than I've already attempted to do, in regard to exercising. Am I too used to what I'm doing? I don't do the same thing every day, or even every week, so I don't know how that would help. *sigh*

I didn't mean for this post to be such a downer. I'm not throwing in the towel! I'm just honestly frustrated and confused. I'm tired of trying different things and seeing no results. I want answers! I want to keep moving forward! I want to reach my goal. I want to figure out the problem and do what it takes to fix it. I just don't know what my problem is - and it's driving me crazy!

But, God is good. And even if Bekah May is stuck at 168lbs for the rest of her life, God is still good. He is still worthy of praise and glory. He is still my King and I am still His child. He is still my Living Water and my Bread of Life. He is still the One I'm living for. No matter what.

I'm stuck, but I'm not surrendering to failure and defeat ~ Bekah

Sledding, sweating, and a split

Have you been outside yet? Today the weather was absolutely gorgeous and totally out of place, considering it's the beginning of February. My mom and I took my two younger sisters sledding this afternoon. We hadn't gone yet this year, and we were looking for something to do outdoors, so sledding seemed like a good choice. We were just hoping that all the snow hadn't melted on the sledding hill!

When we arrived at the park, not only was there enough snow, there was also enough room. We were the only ones there! Avalon and Bethany were excited to get going, so we got our snowsuits on as fast as we could (which was a little difficult for me - I was trying to squeeze into a medium size set of snowpants!) and headed to the top of the hill. (I actually got them to zip!)

Now, I must tell you that this was the first year of my life that I was actually okay with going sledding. In the past, I dreaded it. Not because I didn't like sledding as a whole. I did. But I hated climbing back up the hill. I really didn't think it was worth it to hike all the way back up to the top only to slide back down for maybe 15 seconds! Too much work, I thought. So I avoided it. I used to stay in the lodge with the mothers when we'd get together with other families and to go sledding. Or, maybe I'd go out for a bit, get really tired, and come back in complaining that it was "too cold".

But not today! I was running up and down the hill and enjoying the fact that I wasn't getting tired. Bethany is too little to carry her sled back up the hill, so often time I would follow her sled down the hill, haul it back up with her, put her back on, and do the same thing over again. And it was fun! We had a nice, active afternoon. Just perfect for a day like this!

This past week was encouraging. I had a few conversations with other ladies about this whole battle with living healthy lives and the struggles that we all seem to face, in one way or another. One friend has battled with her weight for years, yo-yoing back in forth in her weight loss attempts. Another friend is just looking to drop a few pounds and tone her muscles. One mother I talked to has been trusting the Lord to help her curb her sugar cravings and has dramatically altered her daily diet in order to consume more raw foods. We're all doing our best to listen to our Lord and do what He is asking each of us to do!

And right now, the Lord is asking me to just stay faithful. I weighed in the same this week - 168 pounds. As one of my best friends said it," At least you didn't gain!". Yes, that's true. I didn't gain...but I didn't lose, either! My body seems to be getting comfy right here, and I'm going to do my best to give it a good kick in the rear this week. =) I ran 3 miles on the treadmill this morning (which is something I'd never done before!) and followed that up by 20 minutes on the Norditrack. It felt really good! And the sledding this afternoon was fun, too. Exercising doesn't have to be a drag. Find something active you like to do (or at least, don't mind doing) and get to it!

I know this may shock some of you, but last night I decided on my cheat item for the week. I was wanting something with chocolate, but also something a little salty. Or maybe a little fruity, too. Hmmm...what comes to your mind that is chocolatey, salty, and fruity? Well, I'll tell you what popped into my head - a banana split. Yep! It sounded really good! So, I had one. Now, mind you - I did limit it to one scoop of ice cream, half of a banana, 2 tsp of chocolate syrup, and 3 tbsp of peanuts. (Oh, and I had a few peanut M&M's, too.)Yummy! It really hit the spot, but I was totally satisfied when finished and ready to set aside that kind of eating till next week. Small doses make things so much more enjoyable!

Continuing in His grace ~ Bekah

Teaching at Bright Lights

Last night, I had an awesome time teaching and sharing at Bright Lights. (For those of you who aren't familiar with Bright Lights, it's a discipleship program for young girls that was started over 11 years ago by my dear friend, Sarah Mally. I've been involved with Bright Lights for over 10 years, and all of my sisters are a part of the group at well. You can find out more about it at http://www.brightlights.info/) Sarah had asked me to share my weight loss testimony with the girls, along with some of the spiritual principles the Lord has been teaching me as I've been on this journey.

So at the meeting last night, I spent an hour telling the girls about how the Lord set this captive free! It was a little difficult planning a message to share to a group of girls that didn't necessarily need to lose weight, as that is such a huge part of my testimony - I could talk about that for hours! So I asked the Lord to give me wisdom on how to speak to both audiences, and address things that everyone struggles with, no matter what your size. I was encouraged as He gave me the words to speak, because I didn't have as much time to prepare as I was hoping for. It was another opportunity for me to practice following the lead of the Holy Spirit! We had great fun, the girls were very enthusiastic and responsive, and I'd love to do it again. :-) More later ~Bekah