What's a stuck girl to do?

Living risky. At least, I felt like that this past week. My mom and I did a little talking, and we spent some time bouncing ideas off of each other as to what I can do to break through this same plateau. I've read tons of weight loss books, and they all have different books ideas. Eat this, don't eat this, exercise this way, exercise this long, but don't exercise too much... It's enough to make my head spin!

My mom has felt for a long time that I'm exercising too hard. I don't really feel like it, because I'm only doing six to eight hours a week, and if anything I feel like I should be doing more! But I'm thinking that maybe my body has gotten into an exercise rut, so I've been mixing things up every day. I spent less time on the treadmill and more time doing other cardio, like step-ups on a stool, jumping jacks, high knees, and squat boxing to name a few. It's been fun doing things differently. I don't get bored, because by the time I get tired of doing one thing I have to move on to the next.

I've spent some time reading through past journal entries and blog posts, looking for any clues that might help me figure out what I need to do to continue losing. I specifically looked at the weeks where I lost 2 pounds or had a weight loss that I wasn't expecting, and I was surprised to see a common thread between those weeks. Oddly enough, it seems that the weeks that I lost the most weight were the weeks that I missed at least one day of exercising. Weird, huh? I never would have guessed that. How in the world does missing a day of exercising result in weight loss? Maybe Mom was right. Could I be exercising too hard and not eating enough calories, so then my body kicks into "starvation mode" and starts hording my fat? I didn't know, but I decided to give this theory a try this week. One day, instead of totally skipping exercise (because I really do feel SO good after doing it) I just made it a lot easier. I walked for awhile, did a few minutes of stair steps, and then walked for a little more. It was about 20-30 minutes, and I barely broke a sweat. But I was curious to see if it would make a difference.

The scale didn't reflect that this week; I stayed at 168lbs, but I think I'm going to give it a try again this week and see what happens. I mean, what's the worst thing that can happen? Weight gain? Yeah, well. I know what to do to fix that problem. I'm just trying to get out of this silly "maintaining" mode and into the "losing" mode again.

I spent time doing interval training on the treadmill today, and I was so hot and breathless once I finally finished. (Here's what I did - 3 minutes of warmup, 1 minute at 3-4mhp, 3 minutes at 5mph, 1 minute at 3-4 mph, 3 minutes at 6 mph, 1 minute at 3-4pmh, 3 minutes at 7mph, 1 minute at 3-4mph, 3 minutes at 8mph, and 3 minutes of cooldown.) My, oh my! When I was running at 8mph, I felt like my feet were flying out from under me. My heart rate sky-rocketed and I was gasping for air as I told myself, "Keep going! You can do this!". I held on to it as long as possible, and I'm going to have to work up to the whole 3 minutes. It was tough! But I'll get it one of these days...

And I've been on a salsa kick lately, so most of my salads have a tex-mex twist to them. Black beans, corn, green pepper, onions, lettuce, salsa...yum-o!

We had a crazy day in town and I'm exhausted, so I'm off to bed. Sweet dreams everyone! ~Bekah

Not discouraged...

Remember how I said that I might have to just "get over" whatever number came up on the scale? Well, I kinda did this morning. I weighed in at 168lbs -up two pounds from last week. Now, I don't believe that I gained two pounds of fat simply because I ate too much on one day! I'm sure that the extra calories contributed to this slight gain, but I'm hoping that I'm also gaining some muscle weight, because I've been doing all of these muscle strengthening exercises for the past few weeks.

It's never fun to see a gain on the scale. It's hard to stand there and see the number and not feel discouraged. That's when I have the hardest time refuting thoughts that start circling in my head. You gained weight. Gained, not lost. You worked so hard last week and this is what you get? Remember how many mornings you crawled out of bed earlier than usual and exercised? Is it really worth it? How long is this going to take you? Do you really want to be fighting and struggling for the rest of your life?...What are people going to think of you? So much for your testimony...you can't seem to lose these last few pounds!


Doubts. Fears. Discouragement. Frustration. Regret. Those feelings all seem to come to the surface on the weigh in days that are less than what I'd hoped for. Sometimes I feel like banging my head against the wall and shouting, "What am I doing wrong? Why isn't this working? Am I ever going to reach my goal?".

But the Lord has been so faithful to teach me that life isn't all about my weight! And there is such freedom that comes when you transfer that knowledge from your head to your heart, when you truly believe it. The world will not come to a screeching halt simply because the scale was not my friend this week. (Aren't you all happy about that?) God's love will not change; I'm not any less of His child because I didn't lose weight. I will continue exercising and eating healthy for the rest of my life, whether I lose another pound or not. And that's because the Lord has changed my mind and my way of thinking, and He is continuing to change me. Transformation is a process. Caterpillars don't become butterflys overnight, and I certainly can't change overnight either. Neither can you! (So nice to know we're all in the same boat, huh?) I thought one way for eighteen years before Jesus got my attention and pointed out how wrong I was, so we both knew this wasn't going to be a sprint to the finish line - it's more like a jog, or a walk, or sometimes a crawl. :-)

Anyway, I'm enjoying the journey. I mean, I can't really struggle with pride if I keep gaining weight, ya know. (Ha!) I had a great time with Jesus while on the treadmill this morning, and I know some of you can't understand this, but I was jogging and running and walking on there for almost an hour and it was fun! I didn't want to stop. It was great!

So my mindset today is this: If I'm having fun exercising and I'm enjoying my healthy food - who cares what the dumb scale says? I'd rather be happy while making healthy choices for my body but occasionally having "hiccups" in my weight than feeling grumpy and deprived while following some bogus and not-so-healthy-diet yet losing weight (which is usually water or lean tissue weight, not fat weight). Make sense?

Rejoice in the Lord always (no matter what your scale says) and again I say, "Rejoice!" ~Bekah

Pictures and confessions...

More pictures for all of my visual friends! Hannah and Leah have heard me sing the praises of this exercise DVD for the past few weeks, and they've decided to join in with me. We started with Level One, which was enough. I was happy to see that by pushing through the BURN, I've made progress. I did my treadmill time this morning, followed by the Level Two workout, ate breakfast, and then did Level One with the girls an hour later. And I found Level One to be fairly easy. When you are consistent - you will see progress!

As you can see, there is nothing glamorous about exercising. You mess up your hair and get all sweaty. In the past, I hated to have anyone see me while I was in this state. It's not exactly cute, ya know. I would cringe when a family member walked in on my workout time. I didn't want them to see my huffing and puffing on the treadmill or groaning while doing a strength move. It somehow seemed like they were peeking in on a private moment - I wasn't looking the best and I didn't want them to see me struggling to keep up the pace. Boiled down, it was a pride issue. And we all know how our Lord feels about pride, even in such a small area. With His help, I got over it. How? By welcoming the very thing that used to annoy me! I left the door to the laundry room slightly open; I would work out in the living room, even if I could do it somewhere else. I had Leah help me do situps (gotta hold my feet!) and Hannah would keep time for me while I did other exercises. My attitude now is, "I don't care! Look all you want! I feel great, and I'm not stopping because you're staring!". And now, my sisters have caught the exercise bug. Sweet! For those of you who are scared for anyone to see you without your hair and makeup done - get over it! Suck it up and start living in FREEDOM.

And now that I've finished pushing you out of your comfort zone, it's time for a confession. Yep, here it comes - the dirt on Bekah! I did an awful job of listening to the Spirit on Friday, and I consumed way too many calories. Dumb calories, too. I ate even when I wasn't hungry and I didn't stop till I was stuffed. Going to bed that night, about the only thing in my body that was happy were my taste buds. My stomach was churning, my throat was scratchy, and my heart was guilty. I laid there in bed beating myself up; the devil didn't need to say a thing, I was doing pretty well coming up with lies to believe on my own. I felt awful, like I was such a failure - wondering if I'll ever really be able to conquer my flesh and be victorious. (You get the picture...) Can anybody relate to this? :-)

It was a mistake; I sinned. That was obvious. And I was left with a few choices concerning what to do next. Should I dwell on my sin and strive on my own strength to try and make it all better by denying myself certain foods and exercising over-abundantly? Should I throw in the towel, and forget this whole "weight loss thing" for good? Or should I confess, repent, and move on - continuing the fight?

By God's grace, I chose option number 3. I spent time in confession, and the Lord was so faithful to show me why I had such a rough day. I have a few things to work through, but now they are in the light - I can see them, and He's helping me to overcome them. So, I'm moving on. I'm kind of scared to weigh in this Friday, but I need to take responsibility for my own dumb choices. I will be posting about the number that comes on the scale - whatever it is - and I'll just have to "get over it"!

Smiling because of Him ~ Bekah

Weigh in...

Another weigh in day. How does the week go by so quickly? Didn't I just weight in?

I got up this morning and jumped on the treadmill for 30 minutes. Then I moved on to my "killer workout" DVD. I'm slowly getting stronger; my poor arms are experiencing major burning sensations every morning. But it will be worth it! That's what I have to keep telling myself. I sometimes have to take a 5 second break when performing arm exercises, but I'm pushing myself to not give in too easily. There's burning muscles, and then there's BURNING MUSCLES!!! And I'm trying to push past the "regular" burning and hang in as long as possible in order to put pressure on my muscles to force them to change and grow. Easier said than done!

Anyway, my number for this week is....166. That's a pound less than last week! Woohoo! I'm happy with that, especially since I'm doing my best to gain muscle right now, which might interfere with actual weight loss.

I met with a friend at Panera's last night (namely, Chrissy!) and had a yummy salad. Do you know how hard it is to go to Panera and not eat at least one cinnamon crunch bagel with lots of hazelnut cream cheese and wash it all down with an iced mocha? Well, let me tell you - it's pretty hard! But I didn't want to do anything dumb and screw up my weigh in this morning. So, I just waited till after my weigh in and had half a bagel with gobs of cream cheese this morning! Nothing like a yummy bagel for my cheat item this week. :-)

Even though it's super cold outside - that's no excuse to not do any kind of exercise throughout the day. There are millions of simple exercises you can do! Instead of walking to the kitchen, do lunges to get there. Run up the stairs instead of walking. Squat down to put clothes in the dryer instead of bending your back. Feeling cold? Before you run to the closet and grab a sweater, do some jumping jacks. You'll start feeling warmer in no time! All these simple things will add up to you feeling stronger and more energetic.

Stay warm! ~Bekah

A little humor...

I thought I'd begin this post with a little humor. :-) As I have been reading through "Perfect Weight America", I came across this funny section called the Dieter's Psalm. It made me laugh, so I thought I'd share it with you all! (It's based on Psalm 23.)

Strict is my diet. I must not want.
It maketh me to lie down at night hungry.
It leadeth me past the confectioners.
It trieth my willpower.
It leadeth me in the paths of alteration for my figure's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the aisles of the pastry department,
I will buy no sweet rolls, for they are fattening.
The cakes and the pies, they tempt me.
Before me is a table set with green beans and lettuce.
I filleth my stomach with liquids,
My day's quota runneth over.
Surely calorie and weight charts will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the fear of scales forever.

The reason I found that to be so funny is because there is a thread of truth weaving through the whole "psalm". If you've ever been on a diet before, I'm sure you can relate to a lot of the things mentioned! I can relate to the temptation of the sweets. I have come to realize that I will always have a sweet tooth; that I cannot change. But I do have control over what kind of sweets I crave. Right now, fresh fruit is my favorite dessert. Oh, and honey. I've been known to head for the honey jar when I feel a sweet craving coming on! I drizzle some on my finger and suck on it for awhile. (If you try this, just make sure you don't use your thumb. You may get some strange looks.)
Does that mean I don't ever have a hankering for chocolate? No, I still have to fight those, too. And if chocolate has been something that I've wanted all week, then I'll make sure and have a little bit as my "cheat item" so that I don't keep feeling deprived.

So while I can relate to some of the struggles mentioned above, I'm also very thankful for all of the things that I can't relate to. I don't consider my diet to be strict, even though I think some people might disagree with me. :-) I eat a huge variety of foods, and the things I don't eat are either too high in calories for me, too processed and nutrient-deficit, or I just don't like them in the first place.

And the Lord has delivered me so I will not "dwell in the fear of scales forever". Sure, I hate seeing that I've gained weight - who would like seeing that? But I understand that my weight will fluctuate and so I can't look to the scale to find my happiness or my security. Praise the Lord for His freedom! In fact, I'm actually expecting my weight to stay the same for a little longer while I build more muscle as I'm following this DVD program. At least, that's what they've told me to expect. I can tell that I'm getting stronger and I'm eating healthy - that's really all I care about. I know that my weight will eventually reflect that!

I've heightened my physical activity again and moved up to Level 2 on my DVD. It's killing me! I've realized how weak some of my arm muscles are as I've been doing the exercises - it burns bad! Oh, I just lay on the floor panting after finishing. My arms/legs are burning and my heart is pounding...it's great. I feel SO good afterward! I've also increased my running speed as I've gotten more fit, because it takes more effort to get my heart rate up. Hurray for slow progress! I think it would be super fun to do this with a group of girls. We'd all benefit from it!

Continue making right choices everyone! ~Bekah

This past week has been pretty interesting around our house. I began reading through Jordan Rubin's book, "Perfect Weight America" in November (and I'm almost finished with it - aren't you proud of me?) and I decided that after the New Year I was going to try a few of his ideas. In the book, Jordan recommends taking part in a cleanse 4 times a year - the first cleanse being in January. So, I thought this was perfect timing and I enthusiastically shared this information with my family. The purpose of the cleanse is to rid your body of toxic build up that accumulates over the months because of junk we eat and toxins that we absorb from the air, cosmetic products, etc. I thought that this 10 day cleanse sounded like a good idea, and after discussing it with my family, we decided that last Monday (the 5th) would be a good day to start.

Hannah was on board with me and we have been "cleansing buddies" for the week. Leah is also in a "cleanse" of sorts, as she is cutting dairy out of her diet for 10 days. Her acne always flairs up when she consumes too much dairy, so she's taking a break from it. My mom is doing her best to cut out sugar from her diet, and Rachel and my dad.......are cheering us on from the sidelines! (To his credit, my dad has eaten soup with Hannah and I along with salad for dinner, and he wishes that his daily schedule would allow him to take part in a cleanse.)

The cleanse goes something like this: Day 1 - eat homemade chicken soup for all five meals. Days 2-4, eat chicken soup for 4 meals and have a salad with homemade dressing for dinner. Days 5-7, you can add nuts and seeds to your dinner salad. Days 8-10, you can eat 4 ounces of kefir or full-fat plain yogurt with a teaspoon of honey along with everything else. So you'll notice - no carbohydrates, no fruits and virtually no sweets. While I knew this was going to be tough, I was preparing myself mentally for the cravings and asking the Lord to give me His strength to see this through.

Well, let's just say we've had a few bumps in the road. First off, I didn't plan on the time it takes to make the huge pot of chicken soup (not chicken noodle, chicken soup). We went to HyVee the night before our cleanse to grab a few items we needed, and it was so late by the time we got home that I decided to just make the soup in the morning. Bad idea. As you probably know, making chicken soup is not a quick thing. It took us almost the entire day! Okay, plan B. I ate fruit for breakfast and had some of the broth for lunch. And then, it hit me.

Nausea. I felt awful! My stomach was really upset, but I didn't know if I should tell my family or not. I mean, here it is - the very first day of our cleanse and I'm feeling sick! Not the best advertisement for healthy living! It finally got so bad that I told my mom I needed to go lay down for a bit, and by late afternoon I was feeling much better again. I still don't know why I felt so awful. I've fasted before and not had any nausea, so it's still a mystery to me. I didn't have much of an appetite that day, so no struggles with cravings. And even though we didn't exactly start the cleanse according to the book, I was sure that the next day would be much better!

I got up the next morning, exercised, and then headed to the kitchen for breakfast. Where I came to the conclusion - I don't care what the book says, this girl ain't eating soup for breakfast! Sorry! Not happening. I had a piece of fruit again and talked with Hannah about it, and we decided to go ahead and eat fruit throughout our cleanse. We were going to take part in the "winter cleanse", which doesn't include fruit, but the "summer cleanse" does. So, we put on shorts and flip-flops, dabbed some suntan lotion on our skin and ate our fruit! j/k

Okay, I can do this. Fruit, chicken soup, salad...how hard can it be? Famous last words. This is tough! And on top of that, I'm still not feeling good. I've had a sore throat and dry cough for about 3 days now, and my head sometimes feels full of pressure. (I highly doubt that this has anything to do with the cleanse, though. If anything, being on this cleanse should help me recover faster!) Oh, and Hannah isn't feeling good, either. Nothing specific for her, she just has a case of the "blahs". Perfect. WHAT'S UP WITH THAT? Is it because the toxins are being released from our fat cells and are in our bloodstream while on their way out? Is it because we're having carb and sugar withdrawal? Probably. No one ever said that cleansing would be fun...

The past few days have been very stretching for both Hannah and I, and tonight we looked across the table at one another and made a mutual decision without even speaking. (It's a sister thing!) We made it 5 days, and beginning tomorrow we're going to slowly begin adding the carbs, dairy, and sugar back into our diets. I could look at this and say that we're bailing out early and beat myself up about it, but I'm proud of the fact that we lasted so long. If five days doesn't seem long to you, then YOU try it! But just make sure you know exactly what you're getting into. :-) I was glad that we were able to give our bodies a little break.

Okay, okay. The weigh in this morning. I really had no idea what to expect, but I was thinking there might be a slight gain. I couldn't exercise nearly as hard this week because I didn't have the energy, and I was so sick yesterday that I didn't do any at all. My thoughts were justified when I saw 167lbs this morning, which is up a pound from last week. Not really stressing out - this has been such an odd week! I'm going to double my efforts this next week and see what magic number I can pull! :-) And I'm going to begin counting my calories again for this week just to make sure I'm eating enough, but not too much.

That's all from here! Wishing I had more time to blog. I'll try and add some more thoughts as this week continues. ~Bekah

Happy New Year!

This past week has been pretty fun. My two youngest sisters have decided that my workout DVD is really exciting, so they've been joining me in the different exercises. Our living room isn't quite big enough for us to all do it together, so they sit on the couch and watch me until I've finished, and then I start over again and do a few minutes with them. It's pretty funny watching them proudly lift their 2 and 3 pound weights over their heads! I'm impressed with how well they watch and imitate the people on the TV screen. Here are a few pictures of us (after I've showered and changed clothes!) doing our exercises together:

This morning I stepped on the scale and it read 166lbs, which is up a pound from last week. I'm not really concerned about it, though. I'm hoping that by doing the exercise DVD - in addition to my time on the treadmill - I'll be adding some muscle weight to my frame. I can tell that I'm getting stronger, and I'm able to keep up with the DVD a lot better than on day one. I can also tell that I've lost some inches this past week or so, even though not many pounds.

A friend who had lost a lot of weight a few years ago gave me some clothes last summer, because she unfortunately has gained a lot of the weight back and her "skinny" clothes don't fit anymore. There were several pairs of jeans, so I threw them into a winter clothes bucket and took them up to the attic. I decided to go hunting through our attic last week to try and find that bucket, and I brought it down and tried some of the jeans on. This summer, I had barely gotten them to zip. (Do you know what "spray on jeans" look like? lol) But now, I've been wearing them all week! They are a size 14, and some of them are even too big. I love tangible progress!

Can you believe that it's a New Year? I'm excited, especially as I keep inching closer and closer to meeting my goal. Have you made any goals for this coming year? I kind of wonder how many people make goals anymore, because it seems like all we hear about are the failures. We don't often hear about the people who actually do the work required to meet their goals. We just hear the statistics that send the message, "You can make goals if you want, but the odds are you'll give up and fail."

Let's be different! Let's break through the plateau of starting out strong, hitting an obstacle, being overwhelmed, and giving up. I challenge you to make goals - realistically, hard, challenging, you-will-grow-through-this goals. Pray for wisdom and strength and then do it! Just do it! No excuses, no pity-parties. If you want to achieve something great, you must give all of your energy to accomplishing it. You can't just give 50%. That's no good! Taking the easy road never gets you where you really want to go. Push.....HARD!

Walking the narrow road with you ~ Bekah