A Christmas Present from Jesus...

I'm hoping that you all had an awesome day with your family and friends while celebrating the birth of our Lord! We've had a busy week, made complete with the adoption of Bethany Avianna in our family on Christmas Eve morning. It was a great way to start our Christmas holiday! We had a special time at the courthouse as we explained to the judge exactly why we wanted to adopt Bethany, (here's where the tears started to flow, y'all!) and even though I don't think her two-year-old mind understood everything, we'll all remember this Christmas Eve day when we got the best present we could ever ask for!

We ended up going out to eat twice on the 24th because of the plans we made for the day. And if you're like me, eating out while trying to lose weight used to make me panic. Eating out scared me because it seemed like my meal was out of my control - I didn't know what they would offer and if they would have semi-decent healthy choices. So, I've learned a few tricks to help me eat smart when we do go out.
-Eat a small snack before you go out. Don't arrive at a restaurant feeling famished!
-Order water - don't drink your calories!
-No appetizers. They are only added calories that you really don't need, especially since you aren't famished. Most appetizers are either fried or dripping in sugary sauces, so do your body a favor and skip them.
-Think lean protein and vegetables. Veggies should cover at least 1/2 of your plate - either fresh or steamed. I order a salad 95% of the time, sometimes with chicken on top. Also, always ask them to serve the dressing on the side. Most restaurants dump WAY too much dressing onto the salads. We went to Olive Garden recently, and if you've been there you know that they serve bread sticks and salad before your main course arrives. I skipped the bread sticks, and asked that they bring me a plate of salad with the dressing on the side. (I didn't want to eat the premixed salad they bring in large bowls to the table, because it's oozing with dressing.) They were very accommodating and I got exactly what I wanted. Don't feel like making special requests is a pain or a nuisnace! They're job is to wait on you, ya know. :-)
-If you want pasta, look for the whole wheat. Several restaurants are now offering whole wheat pasta! And stick to a marinara sauce instead of the creamy (and full of fat!) alfredo. The same rule applies to soups. You want to eat tomato based soups not the milky, cheesy kinds.
-Avoid desserts. I know, I know. The pictures look so yummy, right? But unless this is a special occasion, you really don't need it. If you've got a hankering for something sweet, order a bowl of fresh fruit. It will satisfy your sweet tooth, and you won't leave feeling stuffed and sluggish.

So, my plan for this week was kind of shaken up a little. I had already planned to weigh in a day early because of Christmas, and then the day before the weigh in I couldn't exercise and we went out to eat twice. Not the best scenario for weight loss, but I didn't have much of a choice in the matter. So, I stepped on the scale on Thursday morning and braced myself for the worst. Only to be surprised! I lost two pounds last week. Don't ask me how - I still haven't figured it out! I was so shocked and eliated to see that I'm down to 165lbs. I'm thinking that was a present from the Lord! Hurray!

My family was so sweet and got me some great presents! My parents bought me a nice exercise mat (the hardwood floor gets pretty hard) and they also got me an exercise DVD. Remember how I used to think that exercise DVDs were for people who didn't know what they were doing? Well, I've changed my mind. I was excited to do a workout with the DVD, so this morning I popped it in our DVD player after doing my cardio on the treadmill. It was actually really fun! I did pretty well with the cardio and abdominal workout, but the strength training was a little bit of a challenge - which is what I suspected. But I was actually able to keep up through the 20 minute workout, even though I'd just spent 30 minutes on the treadmill, so I was happy. Progress is being made! Now I have a program that can help me grow stronger in the areas where I'm weakest, so I'm hoping to add more muscle weight to my frame in the next few weeks. :-)
My mom also bought me a gift card to HyVee so I can buy specialty items from their Health Market. Hurray! Some of those things are so expensive...

I'm also excited because in the next few weeks we are going to be fixing me a spot in our basement that will serve as my personal gym. I'll be able to move out of our cramped laundry room and have all of my weights and exercise machines in one place - not scattered all over the house! Can't wait.

Blessings to you all! ~Bekah

P.S. I've put some pictures from the adoption down below:

Psalm 18

I was reading through the psalm of the day today, which was a familiar passage. I love this psalm! I picked a few verses from that chapter and wrote them on my brightly colored card stock that I stare at every morning on the treadmill. I've read through them countless times the past few months as I whiz along, but the Lord revealed something new to me today as I was reading through the whole chapter. I'm sure this has happened to you before, too. Every so often a passage of Scripture that you've known for years suddenly hits you between the eyes and a "light bulb" goes off in your head.

It's a fairly long chapter, so I'll try and summarize it for you. (Then, go read it for yourself!) David begins the psalm by praising the Lord. He affirms his trust in the Lord by calling Him "my rock and my fortress; my deliverer...in whom will I trust". A few verses later, David writes that he called to the Lord and was answered; He cried and his cry reached God's throne. Then David uses vivid imagery to describe how the Lord answered and proved Himself strong on David's behalf. The Lord "rode upon the cherub", He "thundered in the heavens", and "the Highest gave his voice". David said that the Lord drew him out of many waters and delivered him from his strong enemy "for they were too strong for me".

In verse 19, David says that he was delivered because the Lord delighted in him, and the reason the Lord was delighted in him is because "I have kept the ways of the Lord" and "I was also upright before him, and kept myself from mine iniquity."

And what caught my eye today was the switch that occurs in verse 28. David changes from telling of all the Lord's acts of deliverance and begins to tell what the Lord has done in his life, how He was strengthening David. Because of the Lord, David had run through a troop and had leaped over a wall. David writes, "It is God that girdeth me with strength, and maketh my way perfect. He maketh my feet like hinds feet, and setteth me upon my high places. He teacheth my hands to war, so that a bow of steel is broken by mine arms. Thou hast given me the shield of thy salvation: and thy right hand hath holden me up, and thy gentleness hath made me great. I have pursued mine enemies, and overtaken them: neither did I turn again till they were consumed. I have wounded them that they were not able to rise: they are fallen under my feet. " I could go on, but I'll stop now. :-)

Here's what I was thinking about this passage. I was struck by the fact that the Lord was teaching David to be a warrior. He was teaching David how to stand up and fight on his own! I think often in my life I find myself shoving my battles up to the Lord in prayer and asking Him to do all the work for me. Just deliver me, Lord! That's all I'm asking. Thunder in the heavens, shake the mountains! Let the hail fall and the fire roar. I'll just sit here and wait for you to finish fighting.
But, that's not what the Lord wants! Just like David, He is in the process of training me so that I can fight my own battles in His strength. I want to leap over walls! I want to have arms that can break steel! I want to pursue my enemies and have them fall under my feet! Don't you? I don't want to be a weak and defeated Christian. I don't want to be constantly asking the Lord for victory while I sit around doing nothing. I want to know how to outsmart my enemies! I want to learn His strategies for victory. I want to be a "warrior in training" in the Lord's army.

I find it fascinating that the Lord wants to teach us. He wants us to fight. He wants us to become mighty in His Spirit. He wants us to walk in the victory that He paid His life for!
Because He could just take care of everything for us. It's so much easier for parents to work alone without having their little children "helping", isn't it? But He finds joy in our feeble offerings for help, just as earthly parents do. And He knows that we won't learn anything without actually doing. There is a time for us to step out and take action! We don't grow without working. We can't learn how to fight by just watching. We must engage in a fight ourselves! We must work our physical muscles to achieve growth and it's the same spiritually. We must fight and war in the strength that He provides. Scripture is clear - we are in warfare against the principalities and powers of darkness. Don't you want to know how to swing your sword properly? How to shield yourself effectively? How to give the enemy a deadly blow? I sure do! Teach me to war, Lord.

While we're on the subject, I put up a good fight this week. I added at least 15 to 20 minutes to my exercise time every day. I did my work on the treadmill, then on cardio days I ran down to our basement and jumped on the Norditrack (or the Sweatinator - it's new nickname). Whew! I was proud of myself, though. It was hard, but good. I love the feeling I get after I've had a really hard workout. On the days where I do circuit training, I disciplied myself and stuck to the routine. No short cuts and less breaks. Again, it was hard. I don't really like the feel of burning muscles. :-)

But, it was worth it! I broke through this week and lost a pound. Yippee! My new number for this week is 167lbs, and I've got my eyes on reaching number 166 next week. I've never gotten below 167, so that would be an awesome Christmas present! I learned this week that my plateau problem can be broken by working longer, which is what I suspected. 30 minutes a day isn't enough anymore. I've got to work for more like 45 -50 minutes, and the majority of that time needs to be in my "medium to medium hard" heart rate zone. That's where the heart is pumping steadily and the sweat is flowing freely!

Now, Christmas is on Thursday. (What's with holidays being on the day before my weigh in? I had this problem on Thanksgiving, too.) So I've again decided to weigh in a day early. I'm going to give it all I've got and see if I can't end this year at my lowest weight yet!

Fighting on ~ Bekah

New laptop...new beginnings...

Most of you already know this, so this post is for the few people who may be uninformed. :-) I have been saving up to buy a laptop for the past 2 years, and I finally purchased one a few weeks ago. Yes, it's pink! And my hope is that now I'll have more time and opportunity to blog and (*gulp*) work on writing my book. The truth is, I feel very excited about this project, and yet very unqualified to write anything worth reading. It's so overwhelming...I have no idea where to start. I'm thinking that I need to find a book on how to write a book!

But seeing I don't have that available right now, I thought I'd do something else. Something to trigger a little bit more "readership participation". I have a few questions for you all! Please take the time to answer. If for some reason you don't want anyone to know it's you answering, just log in under anonymous or a guest.

1. Have you ever struggled with being overweight? or underweight?

2. Have you started on any specialized diets (Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Atkins, etc.) in an effort to lose weight?

3. If yes, were those diets successful for you? (Have you kept the weight off?)

4.When you look in the mirror, are you satisfied with your weight?

5. Do you consider yourself to be fit and healthy?

6. Do you exercise regularly?

7. What does your daily diet consist of?

8. Do you consider yourself - a. a health nut b. informed, but not crazy about eating healthy c. a junk eater?

9. Have you read any other books about healthy living or weight loss that you have found helpful? If so, what are they?

10. And finally, do you have any advice for me while I'm writing this book? Any specific topics you think I should address? What would you find helpful in a healthy living/weight loss book? What do you see are common struggles for those trying to lose weight and live healthy lives?

Okay, I'll stop now. I'd love to pick your brain even more, but I guess I wait and see if you all will even post answers for these. ;-) PLEASE DO! I wish I could offer some prize or an incentive, but I can't really. Just know that you're helping me out and your post will make me smile! (Yeah, I know. Pretty lame prize, huh?)

Thank you all! ~Bekah

Motivation...

According to Webster's 1828 Dictionary, the word "motive" means - That which incites to action; that which determines the choice, or moves the will. Thus we speak of good motives, and bad motives; strong and weak motives. The motive to continue at rest is ease or satisfaction; the motive to change is uneasiness, or the prospect of good.

Have you ever wanted to do something, but lacked the motivation to actually do it? Or have you ever started a project with the intent of finishing it, but for whatever reason you didn't stick with it to the end? Maybe you've heard a speaker talk about a spiritual discipline or a character quality that you see is lacking in your life, and you decide that you need to do something about it. Your desire is to change! You leave the meeting emotionally pumped to go home and make changes, but somehow that desire fades....you realize how difficult change will be....you try your hardest, but it's not working.....you quit, feeling like a failing Christian and go back to your previous way of life....you feel guilty, because you know that you do need change in your life.....to ease the guilt, you compare yourself to others, and find that you aren't that bad - in fact, you're better than some other Christians you know.......you put up a wall of pride in your heart, and try to ignore your problems.......until a few months later, you go to another meeting and hear a speaker........

And the cycle continues. I've been there - have you? We all have this problem in regards to spiritual changes (we're in a fight against our flesh), and also in the every day physical stuff (What do you know? We get to fight our flesh again!). I don't know about you, but I have plenty of unfinished projects laying around my house. There's the cross-stitch penguins I began when I was about 12 years old. I didn't finish it because I somehow got off a line so nothing would match up. (The red heart between the two penguins didn't fit, and made it look like the two love-birds were squishing it. Their beaks had a funny zig-zag line, instead of a straight triangle. It wasn't pretty, folks!) But, I didn't want to pull out all of the hours of work I'd invested in it to remedy my mistake, so I gave up, and put it in a bucket under my bed.
And I can't forget the blanket I've been crocheting for the past three years. I wanted a nice blanket for my bed, especially when it gets cold this time of year. I told my mom, "This is the year I will finish it!". That was a few months ago, and I haven't touched it yet. (Maybe I should stop blogging and go find that thing!)

The point is, we all need motivation! We all have things we need to begin working on, continue working on, or put the finishing touches on. And if you asked me what the 2nd most common question I get asked, directly or indirectly (the first being, "So, how do you feel now?") it's this: "How do you stay motivated?". People want to know! How is it that I can keep going? How is it that I have been consistent in my exercising for over a year? How is it that I've been able to stay on the "healthy eating" wagon this long and not fallen off?

You see, when we start something new, it's exciting! We often experience an emotional high. We can just picture the end result, and oh, won't it be great? We start off full speed ahead, anticipating the moment when we will get the desired result. What a glorious moment that will be! We can easily become all consumed with this new project, giving it every spare minute of our time. And things are going great!

Great, that is, until we hit a bump in the road. Maybe you've been so excited about how the Lord has been working in your life, and you've been obedient to His voice as He's molded and shaped you. But now He's asking something else of you. Something He's never asked before. Something hard. You come to a screeching halt as you now have to make a decision. There's a fork in the road, and you're not sure which way you want to go.

Or maybe you're like I was only a few months ago. You're trying to get into the habit of exercising, and so far you've done pretty well. But then, your schedule changes unexpectedly and you can't seem to fit it in anymore. Or maybe you're not getting the results you want quickly enough.

Maybe you are notorious for starting household or craft projects, but not finishing them. Maybe you're struggling to keep your house organized. You may have closets overflowing but you just can't get motivated to tackle them. Maybe you're finding it difficult to spend time daily in the Word and prayer. You just don't feel motivated to do it.

What should we do? Where can we find motivation? How can we break this cycle of starting but never finishing? Because that's not the kind of life God intended us to live. We are challenged in Scripture to become more and more like our Lord every day - and He never gives up on anything or anyone. Can you imagine what the world would be like if God just stopped creating things because it wasn't "new" to Him anymore? What if He had an attitude that said, "Yeah, I guess that's good enough. All this work is making me tired.". We might not have fish, or mountains, or waterfalls, or stars, or broccoli!
Or what if Christ decided to call the angels to assist Him while He was on the cross? What if He decided that to sacrifice Himself was too hard? What if He left that job unfinished? He could have just used the excuse, "Well, I'm just not a very motivated person.". Why not? We do.

My friends, the answer to solve our motivation problem isn't to dig deep inside ourselves and find some "inner motivation". We might do alright for a little while working with our own strength, but remember where that has gotten us in the past? We have to turn to Jesus! We have to unite our will with His will and unite our motives with His motives. Because my flesh can only motivate me to be more fleshly. Bekah can not change Bekah. Bekah will continue to be Bekah as I am now unless some outside force intervenes and gives me both the power and the motivation to change. I could try and motivate myself in different ways. My motivation to lose weight could be to fit into a certain size, or to weigh a certain amount by a certain date. But if my motivating factor is something physical (i.e. beauty or praise of men), I will fail in the long run. That's not enough to keep me going when the bumps come.

To be honest, if I didn't have my eyes focused of Jesus and His perfect will for my life (which includes my health), I would have given up long ago! Especially now that I've been in the "plateau stage" for the past few months. The scale isn't telling me what I want to hear....but God is. He's telling me to keep going, to keep pushing, to keep drawing closer to Him and learning how to walk in the Spirit. So I'm continuing on; I'm pushing forward. My motivation is to do the will of my Father. And praise His name, He's giving me the strength to accomplish that.

Motivated by Him ~ Bekah

P.S. Oh, yes. Today is Friday, isn't it? Well, I weighed in at 168 again. Good grief! I've been so steady these past few months. The only problem is that I'm not trying to maintain - I need to keep losing! So, I'm going to continue with the added cardio this next week and hope to break through this silly plateau.

Pretzels covered in almond bark and sprinkles. Russian tea cakes. Chocolate cake box cookies. Butterscotch goodies. Peanut butter spread on Ritz crackers and then dipped in chocolate. Our kitchen table was covered with these traditional desserts this afternoon!

Is your mouth watering? Tis the season for sweets...more sweets than you can count! The recipes are endless. Each family has their special cookie traditions, and mine is no different. Everyone pitched in today, mixing and dipping, dunking and licking. We had to keep a close eye on my younger sisters, who thought their job was to taste everything!

I did not taste anything; I just munched on a few pretzels while watching. And I was okay with that. If there's anything I've learned in the past year it's this: food isn't worth all the attention and praise we give it. It just isn't! You've seen the commercials; you've heard the marketing slogans. "Betcha can't eat just one!" "It's to die for." The chocolate cake is "sinfully delicious". We wouldn't be watching the commericals and hearing the slogans if they weren't effective. The "lust of the eyes" often leads us astray. I mean, seriously - how many times have you seen a picture of ice cream and then suddenly got a craving for something sweet? Or seen a juicy burger and thought, "That really looks good! I'm going to go find something to munch on.". We've put food up on a pedistal, made it an idol. Our eyes and our emotions can get us into trouble if we're not careful. Do we eat when we are truly hungry or simply because something looks good?
It's ridiculous as I think about it now, but that was part of my way of thinking 12 months ago. I remember eating a snack just because I was bored, or stuffing myself at the dinner table when I felt stressed. It was an unconscience act, because I was so blind as to how my actions were linked to my emotions. I say it's about time that we as Christians put food back in it's proper place. Food is God's provision of nourishment for our bodies. Plain and simple.
Does that mean I don't enjoy food? Absolutely not! Delicious meals make my mouth water just like your's. Why do you think God created so many different kinds of food? He wants us to enjoy them. Just not too much...not when we cross over from enjoyment to idolatry. Food and eating food should not consume our thoughts, it shouldn't be the thing we run to when our emotions are out of control - Spirit control. That place is reserved for God alone. And if it's not, then "Houston, we've got problems."

And I know that some of you who read this blog don't struggle in the same why I do. You're not trying to lose weight. But don't think you're off the hook! Food may not be a struggle, but that just means that something else is. We all have struggles, and we need to face them with the strength and grace that God so freely provides...and go smashing down some idols!

In closing, here is the recipe that I followed to make my hummus dip. When I searched for recipes online, I found hundreds! I just picked one and tried it, and I liked it a lot. If anyone has a different hummus recipe that you use, please post it! I want to try different kinds and see which is my favorite.

-3 cloves of garlic, minced, more if you like
-1/4 cup plain lowfat yogurt (don't worry about the "lowfat" - use what you want)
-1 tablespoon lemon juice
-1 teaspoon olive oil
-1/4 teaspoon salt
-1/4 teaspoon paprika
1/8 teaspoon pepper
1 (19 ounce) can chickpeas, drained and rinsed
1 tablespoon fresh parsley, chopped

Combine everything in blender or food processor and process until smooth. (The blender gives the best result.) If you need more liquid to make a nice consistency, add a bit more yogurt. Chill. Serve with pitas or as a veggie dip.

Happy smashing! ~Bekah

Post on the run...

After my last post, this will probably seem pretty short. It's not that I don't have much to write; it's that I don't have the time right now!

On Friday, I weighed in at 168 pounds. Hmmm.....does that number sound familiar to you??? Yes, well. I'm planning to give it my all this week and see that number go down again! Oh, and I never posted my weight the day before Thanksgiving, as I decided to weigh in a day early. It was 169, so I'm slowly going down again.

My plan this week is to change up my exercise routine in an attempt to outsmart my body! I still don't quite understand why I'm having so much trouble losing these last 18 pounds, but I'm doing everything I can think of to keep the scale moving lower. So, I'm going to keep doing my rigorous workout on the treadmill, but then I'm going to head down to our basement and do an extra 10/15 minutes on our old Norditrak. I might jump rope, too. Who knows? I kinda make it up on the fly. :-) Anything that makes my heart pound and my body sweat!

So, there's my tiny update. I made some yummy hummus this week! Maybe I'll post the recipe later this week. My family tells me that I smell like a garlic clove.....but it's worth it! :-)

I also wanted to say "Thank you!" again for all of your encouraging comments, either on the blog or to me in person. They mean so much to me! I can't tell you how many times God has used your words to cheer me up and keep me motivated. As I've written many times, this has not been easy, so I really appreciate your encourangement. You are all such a blessing!

Staying positive because of Christ (and you, too!) ~ Bekah

Open Thy Mouth Wide...

I am the Lord thy God who brought you out of the land of Egypt; open thy mouth wide and I will fill it." Psalm 81:10

I've been thinking about that verse a lot this week, and spending time meditating on how it applies to me. We know that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever - so I know that His promise to fill a mouth wide open is still available to me!

But, it wasn't until I was in bed last night that I realized the real reason why I kept thinking about that verse, and why it kept popping up in my mind. The Lord is so patient with this blonde! Whenever it would come to mind the past few days, I would just think, "Yes, thank you, Lord. You are all I need!". And, that's true. But it was time to dig a little deeper into that verse. Time to put it into to practice in a very tangible way.

I was reading last night before turning out the light. I've been slowly working my way through the book, "What the Bible Has To Say About Healthy Living" by Rex Russell (M.D.). It's an excellent book so far, and I highly recommend it! But anyway, I happened to be reading through a chapter where the focus was on fasting. Yes, that's right. Fasting.

Now, I have fasted before. But I can count on one hand the times that I've done it. Why? The same reason you don't do it very often either! It's not very pleasant at all, at least from a physical standpoint. It means making a sacrifice and giving up (for a time) something your body relys on to function correctly, namely food. Not my most favorite thing to do!

So, I was laying there, reading about all of the physical and spiritual benefits of fasting, and thinking to myself, "Wow. That's pretty neat. When Jesus told us to fast, He made sure there were benefits for us, that it wouldn't just be a painful, religious experience. Not only do we have sweet fellowship with Him while fasting, we also are giving our bodies a time to cleanse and heal. Awesome! I'll keep that in mind.........for whenever I decide to do it again.".

And that's when I heard it. That still, small voice gently spoke to my heart, "I want you to fast.". What? Now, wait a minute! Just because I happened to read a chapter on fasting doesn't mean that I'm supposed to fast. God is not interested in me fasting out of guilt or because I feel pressured to do so. That probably wasn't even Him speaking at all, it was just my thoughts.

"Bekah, I want you to fast." Okay, I heard that one loud and clear, Lord. (And now the excuses began.) But, Lord. I can't! It's not fun. I can't afford to go a day without eating - all of the weight loss books say you must not skip meals! I don't want to mess up my weight loss for this week. Besides, it makes me grumpy. And when I'm grumpy, I'm not a good representative for You, now am I? And, what am I supposed to tell my family? I'm not really fasting for a specific reason, so what do I say? Just that You told me to? I don't know. Can we maybe set up another time if You really want me to do this? At least give a little time to prepare for it? How about sometime next week. I could just skip lunch or something.

"I want you to fast tomorrow." Tomorrow!?! Not tomorrow! That's too soon. I'm getting hungry just thinking about it. "Obey, Bekah. That's all I ask. Just obey.".

By this time, I was having some serious problems with crucifying my flesh and getting control of my thoughts. I began thinking of ways to try and make both my flesh and the Lord happy. I'll just fast breakfast.....or would lunch or dinner be better?......No, I'll fast until dinner.......or maybe I should fast the whole day......or maybe I could just fast from a specific thing, like carbs.......I really should fast the whole day.....or what about fasting breakfast and dinner and eating lunch?..........Hmmm, so many options.

It took me a few minutes, but I finally quit fighting and came to the conclusion that there really was only one option. Obedience. Alright, Lord! I give up. I'll fast tomorrow...the whole day. And once I made my decision, that verse came floating into my mind once more, and the Lord showed me why it was on my mind so much, why it wouldn't go away. It was time for me to put into practice what I said I believed. Time to let go and trust the Lord to fill my open mouth. Time to be reminded that all I really need is Him.

As I'm writing this, I'm in the middle of my fast. And today has been wonderful. I spent time in the Word and prayer this morning, and began working on memorization that I've let slip in recent months. It's been a day of sweet fellowship with Jesus. Sure, I'm hungry! But I've learned and re-learned a lot today, important things that I all too easily forget. I've put my focus back where it needs to be, on my Lord and Savior, and I've been reminded that the Lord does give you the strength you need to do what He's called you to do.

Now, please don't read this and think, "I feel like an awful Christian because I don't fast.". It was not my intention to write this and make you feel guilty! And it was also not my intention to write this and somehow puff myself up. Far from it. Listen to the Lord and do what He tells you to do. As I was reminded today, it's well worth it!

Opening my mouth ~ Bekah